I SEE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL THE SERIES BOOK 1: FIRST LOVE

~~~~ONE~~~~

I am Nathan Hart, an ordinary British boy that loves to sing, I love everything about Art and I am just your average teen, I am not that much of a nerd but I love to read, because I know deep down, it makes me complete.

There is one thing that I find harder than burying someone I love, it is harder than any examination paper, harder than any confession and it is simply coming out.

Very many times I felt I would try but I failed, I was raised in a family where homosexuals are abominations, a family where my own members would not be hurt to kill any of us if we ever came out.

That was the reason why I feared and everytime I grew, I simply secluded myself from everyone at home, all I had for comfort were the walls that surrounded me, the people I lived with inside were nothing more the souless bodies that wandered about.

Everytime I would lay down on my bed to sleep, I slowly drifted off into wonder, the wonder of being hated if they knew the real me, the wonder of being rejected and worst of all, the wonder of being killed.

I knew from a very young age, I could see a girl only as a best friend and nothing beyond that, my movie stars and male leads in most series I watched looked to be the most wonderful thing I had ever set my eyes on.

It was hard but I put on the biggest charade, I was a star at playing my own game of keeping a straight face, where I had faults, I quickly rectified it by acting up every way I could.

It paid off by erasing a number of doubts in the people's minds but in the end, inwardly I was hurt because no one could simply understand me very well.

I could do anything to keep up the show but there was one thing that I totally failed at doing and vowed to never do.

That was kissing a girl, even the slightest touch or sense of intimacy I knew would push us down a very bad road, I would feel bad for not returning her feelings and knowing that I would have to break her heart.

I was not at all that selfish, I was just very cautious that I took everything and everyone I came along seriously, many times I would smile with my family but inwardly cried knowing that there would be a day they would hate me, disown me and may be kill me.

It made me lose all hope in them, even as we grew together with our cousins and my three brothers and one sister, I endeavoured to drift apart from all of them.

It was evident no one cared because my own family made fun of my looks, once in a while my mother called me ugly and so did everyone else because I lacked the looks.

I was never the oldest kid nor was I the youngest in the home, I was the second born and the fourth eldest of the ten children we were.

I had a very small body frame with only a few visible muscles, I wore braces and spectacles that were round and big, I had red hair and my bangs stood out more.

I loved them because they hid my ugliness at least and made my looks feel so concealed, I had very tiny ears and a round head that ended in a double chin, my eyes were big back then but they had the beautiful shade of sea blue in them.

All my life I had never known what love was or who it was that I could love, until that one moment that our family went out.

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"Nate, hurry up or we are leaving you." My single mother yelled through the window of our family SUV and it was loud enough for me to make my way faster down the long flight of stairs.

Today was the best day ever because to begin with, I was going out of the house.

The house which I loved because it hid me from the rest of the world I could only leave it if I was going somewhere with a beautiful sight.