I SEE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL THE SERIES BOOK 1: FIRST LOVE

~~~~THIRTY TWO~~~~

The elapse of time turned out much faster than I had expected and once the snow had started to fall the parks became active.

Very many children came to play out in the snow and most adults joined in the fun.

The families in the park looked complete, they looked blissful, every inch happy.

I saw the parents building snow men with their kids, hitting each other with snow balls, making snow angels, it was all so beautiful.

Meanwhile, for me, I was seated alone envying each and every one of them.

My life sucked like hell, it had never felt any less bogus than it already was.

When the snow kept on falling I had to wrap my own hands around myself, there was no one to cuddle me there at the moment.

Once in a while I could put my tongue out, in an attempt to feel the chill of a snow flake for fun.

All I had on me for leisure were my head sets listening to some music from my collection.

I let myself slowly drift into thought, despite the comfort that came along with the sound of the songs.

I studied everyone else that was stationed before me, they were off busy smiling while I was here on my own.

The Bells had made it the previous day, but that day, they couldn't.

I did not want to bother them, so I decided not to ask them why.

"Is this how a normal life looks, why can't I be happy with my family like the others?" I asked myself.

The laughs and the loud shouts of the people that were present only served to haunt me.

I could not feel any peace or any form of certainty.

"What is love when your loved ones cannot accept you, what is love when the one person you have can not love you back.

What is love when you can not fit in, what is love when everyone says you are not too good looking to fit in?" I asked myself again.

It was never the first time I had asked myself these questions, it could have been the thousandth or even millionth time.

It is really very difficult to fit in with others if you cannot be accepted for your sexuality, it tortures you day and night.

You always dream of that awful and very fateful hour your loved ones could turn your back on you and desert you.

You never fit in because of your heavy difference that depression becomes your most common company.

I was there, so lost, so chained, a captive in my own world because I simply could not feel like the rest.

The silence and emptiness had served me right and it was amidst all that wonder that I felt a strong warm touch on my right shoulder.

"Katie." I said as I turned around to see who it was.

My eyes landed on someone else and the very last person I had expected to see.

"Conan?" I said, uncertain if my eyes were not deceiving me.

"Yes?" He replied as he moved closer and sat beside me while I removed my headsets and let them hang around my neck.

"I just wasn't expecting to see you here right now." I said.

"Were you expecting someone else?" Conan asked me.

"Not really." I replied.

"Why the sad face?" Conan asked me.

"You can give a guess." I replied.