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30. November 2018.

  As I got to the gym I found him smoking outside. No one was inside so I waited for him to finish. To pass the time quickly he asked me how the presentation went. I started talking and explaining... I told him everything that happened, I got excited because I finished my masters and so I was explaining with my hands. How he was looking at me I knew that he was listening and so when he finished his cigarette and we went in. While giving me the towel he gave me the look. Will's eyes are so hypnotic.

I started the conversation while on the bike but this time I wanted for him to talk more about himself, I wanted to get to know him better. Will talked about new job opportunities and how everything is going great for him even his love life. When I heard that I had to ask, I needed to know. He said how they're having a tough time, how it's not stable. So I asked him about that thing he told me the last time, how he has another girlfriend, he said that he still does but... I didn't hear him clearly from the other side of the room. I was blown away by whatever this was, I didn't know how to react to it so I didn't say anything because if I said something I would regret that very moment. Before this little thing, he was talking about his family, I love hearing about his family especially his brother, I can tell that they're very close.

Will is great, he is but sometimes I just don't know what to think anymore, I don't know what am I to him? Just another client? After all those long talks and laughs... I don't know. Does he talk with his other clients like he does with me? We. Us. This is not a trainer-client relationship, not anymore and I know that but I don't know if he knows that. What am I to him? Another girl he can play with? Not a chance. This girl has a heart and feelings and it's not right to destroy that. I care about him too much and yes that is on me I accept that but treating me like this, no, that is not right. How is he treating me? Like a friend? Like a sister? Like a person with who he can talk about anything, ask anything? What's that called? What is that person called? I don't know but I do know that I don't want another male friend, I have plenty of them. I'm not looking for another one. I have brothers that care about me and I don't want some dude that I just met to treat me as his little sister. I want to treat me like a girl, as a woman, can't he do that? Yes, I am becoming a woman, and no I don't like it but I am still a girl. A girl whose feelings are true, whose feelings are always in the right place. Putting aside my feelings for him, I know that he has a girlfriend or two and I am trying my best not to be apart of that complicated equation. I really, really care about him and I know that I sound like a broken record. He is the first guy that I developed feelings like these. I don't know if this feeling is love because I never experienced it and I can freely say that it is not. He may be a player but I just don't see that and also I feel that he may be playing with my heart, I don't like that. Sometimes he can break it but most of the time he makes my heart pump faster and other times it just feels warm inside. I heard from a friend of mine that my eyes sparkle when I talk about Will and that she can see how in love I am.