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24. April 2019.

 He can annoy me sometimes. Does he ever get angry or mad? Does he ever raise his voice, he does but only while training but I meant angrily? I don't think so. What's up with that?

I was at home, ready for training, and super hyped when I got his text that says that he can't do today. What??? I was mad. He said he had a work thing and then he sent me a weird photo. I thought it was accidental or it was meant for someone else so I texted to check. Yes, it was meant for me, he wanted to show me that work thing but the photo was showing floor and some woman in those white clogs that staff in the hospital wear, so he was still at work. Oh my goodness, he's terrible at taking shots but cute for trying. Will has never sent me a photo. I didn't know what to reply to that so I just said: "Have fun". Later I wanted to ask him something about those pages of his book that he has sent me. "Quick question, about those pages that you sent me, have anyone else read it?" He replied nothing else but a simple "Yes".

I texted him to see if we are having training tomorrow but unfortunately we are not having because he can't make it. He said that he'll make up for it but I wasn't sure when it will be because I am traveling soon and also next week I'm on my period so I don't know when we'll have training at all. I got two voice messages, I guess he's busy but then I thought he would be mad at me, on the contrary, his voice was smooth and soft and he was calm and on the second message, he was training me. Viber training? Nah ah, I want to see Will, I didn't want to be like this but then I had to make peace with it. I just like when he's next to me while training, I love how he teases me, I love hearing his voice and how he touches me, always gentle. <Don't think that I don't see that, I know you care but you're shy about it. Why? I would tell you how I feel about you but I'm afraid of another rejection, not any rejection, yours. You are so important to me that I am scared that you'll reject me and I can't afford that, I can't have that. That's my fear, what's yours except for those that I already know? I want to talk to you about my stuff but I don't want to burden you with my problems. You are my stress-free card and I want to use it. Use yours, you'll feel better, I promise. How can you notice small things about me and not the most important things or do you notice them but you're ignoring them? I just want you to tell me. I see that there's something between us, I can see it clearly but I'm afraid that we are both too shy to say anything to one another.>