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5. December 2018.

 It was a classic day at the gym, it was loud because of the music and I did fifteen minutes on a bike. I decided to tell him that I want to take a break, it's not because of anything, it's just the holidays are coming and I want to go on a vacation and to be honest a little break from training and also from Will would be nice. For some reason, I was avoiding talking about it but I had to, I must tell him. He was talking about next week and there I saw my window of opportunity. I told him how I need to take a break but he didn't quite take it well. From the way he responded he sounded like I'm not supposed to take a break like I'm supposed to be dedicated to this twenty – four seven. I have been training for the past two months and all I wanted was to have a vacation with myself in a cozy apartment with my book in my hands on a snowy day. I want to enjoy winter properly but apparently, I'm asking too much. This is not the main thing in my life. I didn't like how he handled the situation.

I need a break from him, he is sometimes unbelievable, aside from that he is a lot like me but he is too much to handle sometimes. It's not all about him and training, sometimes I need to do my own thing. Doing exercise is something that is helping me to be healthy but also to feel good about myself. That's something that I was thinking about today when I was getting ready. I finally feel good in my skin and I finally can get in my underwear in front of other women in the dressing room. Before I was so insecure and I hated my body but now it's not just that I lost weight I finally feel good about myself, I feel beautiful and amazing and good looking. I could even do it in front of him... Anyway... He hurt me today but it's because I let him. I know that I am sensitive and fragile especially now because of Will but I let him hurt me because... I don't know why. Wait, is he doing a macho thing? Was he like that so he can prove something to me, to himself? I don't understand him, I never did. Later he dropped the act and asked me where I am going. I told him that I am going on a mountain nearby. He was warm again. I don't understand his mood swings. Is he having those days? Today he wasn't paying too much attention to me but I didn't care, I cared about training and I was focused to do it right. When I was done I asked him to do a massage on Friday so he started calculating in his head. "Text me and we'll arrange it." After my shower I put some makeup, I looked up in a mirror and saw one beautiful girl. This time he didn't say anything.