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15. December 2018.

 Today I went to see my aunt. We were chatting about everything and then she asks me if there is someone in my life that I like if there is a guy that I can't stop thinking about. I told her there is this guy that I like. I told her the whole story about William and then she said that he for sure cares about me. She said that he wouldn't be so much interested in my life and he wouldn't share his life and plans with me if he doesn't like me. I understand that. I like that. Now I am sure about him liking me so I can relax but just for a second. The next step is mine. She said that we are both shy when it comes to our emotions and that we are standing in one place. She thinks that he is too shy to do anything about it so it is up to me to push this 'relationship' to go forward. I will try my best because I'm not good at confrontation especially when it comes to my emotions. If you would ask me now how do I feel about him? I know that I am repeating myself but I need to say it again, I need to exercise my verbal skills, and yes I know that verbal means that my lips need to move and not my hand but I need to do this, so bear with me.

I'm not sure how I feel about him. Do I like him, do I love him? If I say that I like him what does that mean and if I say that I love him then I question myself how can I love him if I don't even know him. This is too much for me. I want to say that I like him and that I love spending time with him. Will is everything that I have ever wanted but I can't say that he is perfect. I'm going to try to ask him out soon. I'll try to ask him out for those pancakes that I promised and if not then we can go for that drink that we were supposed to have for my graduation. I will try, I have to and he has to say yes if he wants to go further with me. I want us to go further in any way. If not as a couple which I want but maybe we can do as friends, maybe I can try to be a good friend and not to be a jealous friend. I hate how we are shy like this. I want to confront him but I'm too scared, I want to know how he feels. I like him and I'm just scared to tell him because I know how he'll react and what he'll say and I am just not ready to hear that.