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23. May 2019.

 Oh, it's been more than ten days. I just got back from Rome and I am already regretting coming back. I regretted the last time and I still do. This time was different but it's whole another topic. Yes, it was incredible, when I was in Rome I finally felt like I am home but there was something that I needed, that was missing and that something was pulling me back home. One day I wish to move to Rome and finally start the life that I want, that I need but I don't want to be there alone. I want Will, I need Will. I know that he also loves Italy and that's why I need to start this thing whatever it is between us so we can move on forwards, maybe move one together. I want that life for me, for us. Maybe it's just me but I do see us together and I have a good feeling about us. Italy has something on me that it will never fade away. I always feel lighter when I go to Italy it's something that I just can't explain. Milan is great but Rome has its magic and you just can't compare those two cities. When I was in Rome I thought to myself how I can finally breathe and it just, it felt right, it felt like this is it, this is my home, this is where I belong, my feelings are never wrong and that's why I call Rome my city. It's like when two people click, you can't be separated for too long or it would be just sad and ugh... That's like with Rome and me, there's a connection, there's chemistry and there's also that thing... well, I cried when I was leaving. It was awful. Now, I just need to find a job there and... wait a minute I am missing something. I want Will so badly by my side, what is wrong with me? There are so much more guys out there, Italian guys but I want that one. I hate feeling like this, I need to talk to William. He's on a trip now but he's coming back soon. I missed him. Aside from having the best time in Rome, I was thinking about him from time to time. I feel more drawn to him now because of this 'break', because of the time apart. I can't wait to see him. If this was a month apart I would so run into his arms but that would be a little inappropriate. Oh, I got him a magnet for the fridge. I wanted something bigger but that would be too much so I got him this, a small magnet where there's Coliseum on it. I know it's stupid but I really wanted to give him something and I just couldn't think of anything else. I don't like getting magnets but if I ever get one from him I wouldn't mind. Should I give him the magnet now? Is it stupid? It's weird, right? One day while I was there I sent him a couple of pictures that I took with my camera. On those photos was this waterfall which is in Terni, close to Rome, it's gorgeous and when he replied he said how he likes the photos. I love him and I can't tell anyone because they would tell me that I am crazy and that this is not 'love'. You don't know what love is until you feel it yourself.