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3. December 2018.

 These days I am mostly thinking about where to spend New Year's eve and of course the, follow-up question with whom.

This morning when I woke up every muscle on my body was hurting so I questioned myself "What the hell did I do?". I felt fine just a bit sore from the last time. I was getting ready. I packed my bag and I took a shower.

When I was going inside the gym I grabbed my phone from my pocket and just then I saw Will's text. "I'll be late ten minutes, take your time." 'Oh well, I'll just walk around the block.' – I thought to myself. And so as I was at the same corner of the street, same bush when I bumped into him the very first time... what happened next is that I saw a figure of a guy twenty meters in front of me that looks just like him. What are the odds? As he was coming closer I didn't want to stare at him as he was approaching so I lowered my head. When he got closer I looked up and right there we were looking at each other's eyes. "Shall we?" I smiled and turned the other way back to the gym. Will looks good, he wasn't in his work clothes. I like his style. He was wearing a not too long coat that was covering the shirt he was wearing underneath. The colors were right on the spot. So much like a gentleman, very handsome. While I was in my world he was talking something and now I have no idea what was he talking about. "You look bored.". He noticed that I wasn't that much chatty as usual but at that moment I wasn't because I am still recovering from 'What do I mean to you? What am I to you?' faze, so I told him that I am not bored it just seemed to him. "How are you?" "I'm good." I feel distant, I don't know why. I just feel like that because of how I feel about him right now, I am pulling away. I still like him, a lot, but I don't want to be friends with him. Wrong choice of words. It's just not what I want. Today I was cold to him, but not on purpose, I just felt like it so I followed my instinct. I think he sensed it so today he was all trainer like. He was scolding me how I don't do exercises at home and how I need to believe in myself if I want to feel good about myself and all that crap that I am not buying. I mean I understand that I need to believe in myself that I can do anything that I want if only I said it out loud just like I did before I was presenting my paper. I was standing in front of the mirror looking at myself and I said: "You can do this. Yes, you can. When it's over you'll laugh and having drinks with friends.". That was five days ago and now I feel amazing and free like I can breathe again. I went off the topic here. As we were entering the gym he went in first and he was holding the door for me from the inside. "What a gentleman, right?" He said it for himself and we were smiling because of it. After the training, I had a massage. Like the first one, it was hot. I don't know if he feels something when he is doing me. I know he has other clients but on some level we did click, we bonded. Before he started the massage he set the lights to be romantic, his words not mine. He was really careful and gentle and affectionate. It was romantic and sensual until the moment passed when he was looking for troubled spots on my back, which was painful but tolerable. When he was done he said to me how he never met anyone who is so much ticklish on the back. "Oh, this is nothing."