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8. March 2019.

 I was missing the gym and of course Will. I was on my four-day period, those four days are the longest and it felt like it was a month. Finally, I got to see him today but it's Friday and now I have to wait for the weekend to pass so I can see him once again.

I understand that he's busy but I wish that we could just go out for an hour or two but I guess I am asking too much, it's fine. I wanted to text him to see if we are going out soon but I didn't know how to start, I didn't want to say something wrong. I never know how to handle texts. I'm just not good at anything. I was scared to ask but I did anyway. I was scared of his response. "Are we gonna go out these days?" I added a smiley face and I didn't want to see the response right away so I turned the phone, I didn't want to read another rejection. You never know if he tells you that you will go but you just don't know when. With him, you never know. It's always good to arrange it in person, which I highly recommend and with texting which is good too but this one I do not recommend. He replied instantly which I don't think it's a good sign. He didn't say yes or no but... "These days I'm busy, I don't have time." On one hand, I understand but on the other... I mean it's classic Will. Does he not want to hang out? Is he trying nicely to tell me to back off? I don't know anything, now I am more confused. Did he say that we are friends just like that or did he meant it? If he meant it then he should act on it 'cause this is so exhausting going back and forth. I want to talk more, I want to learn more about him. I am trying my best. Here I am at the coffee place and my eyes are a little bit watery. He is just not like any other guy, no one can understand that and I can't blame them. I was being careful what words to use. "I understand so when you have the time text me and also let me know when you can do on Friday." He was like a clock. Somehow I knew that he's gonna text me at ten in the morning and I received a text at that exact time. He wished me a happy woman's day. I felt special but I knew that he did that with all women in his contact. He didn't text me just for that, he told me when to meet today for training.

It was so good today we laughed so much because he is crazy and unbelievable, in a good way, of course. His sense of humor is just what I needed. I did something for my shoulder, nothing intense but I did miss boxing. Will was training with us but what I did the most is watching him doing pull-ups. He was playing with his shirt but all I kept thinking was 'Just take it off already'. I think, no, I am sure that I would pass out if he does that. Unfortunately, this woman was unbelievable today and in one moment he has turned to me "Please help me". Damn, she is a huge pain the ass.

Whenever he turns his back on me I can't help but to look at that ass, damn I want to touch that body. If I keep thinking about him like this, I don't believe that I can do this friend thing. I am trying but maybe I am not trying enough. I know what I want with him but I need to think more about what he wants with me. If I want to stay in his life I need to focus on a friend sided relationship. I still have my doubts that I can do this.

After everything that happened today I wrote something that I shared everywhere, even on Instagram where he can see it but I thought that he won't read what I post. The next thing proved to me otherwise. He must have read it because he liked the post, I thought I misread the notification but he likes it. I thought that he would kill me for what I wrote but he didn't say anything. Here is what I wrote. "Trust. Trust is a big part of a relationship, any kind of relationship. If you trust someone enough to tell them your life story, a difficult period of your life, or a dark period that you have fought and won, that's not a small thing. Having someone to talk about this kind of stuff is crucial for living life. Trust is key to every relationship. When you have a trusting person, a person who you know will listen to you and help you in any way they can, use it. Use every opportunity to talk to them, to release your pain, your thoughts. Release your emotions, tell them your fears, tell them your goals and maybe they can help you. When they help you, next time you will help them. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship If you don't have it then what's the point of being in one.

Time. Everybody needs it. Time is of the essence and we need it to do more work, to do activities that make us happy or content, time to be with someone, time for yourself. If you have no time for the person of importance is it possible to create it yourself? There's always that famous sentence 'I don't have the time', we do have it if we organize our time better. The organization is a skill that you need to make the time for more important things in your life."