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19. December 2018.

 I got scared, I was so scared that I had a minor panic attack, I'm fine, it's all alright. I hate myself when I go like this. I mean it's just asking him out it's not the end of the fucking world, why am I like this??? On the other hand, I understand why but to exaggerate to the point where I have a panic attack... umm no. I never felt like this for anyone before and so it's new for me, that's why I don't know how to act, how to be. I know that I am supposed to be myself but what if he doesn't like it or I'm too weird or something else. Being myself with him makes me nervous at first because I feel like I'm that nerd who is talking to the most popular guy in school. Later as time passed I got to be more like myself without fearing what I might or may not say or if it's stupid. I relaxed a bit more, I got comfortable with him, I felt like I can tell him anything. William is such a great listener, he can also give good advice. I wish that I can talk to him every day or text every day, but I know that he has his stuff, I know that he's busy and I don't like to be that person who's a bother. I'm like that in general, I don't like to be a bother or to suffocate someone with texts or talking about one thing for hours, I always ask or say 'If I'm bothering you, you can tell me' but I'm afraid that some people are saying to me 'no, you're not bothering me' just out of courtesy. Never mind, let's move on.

Will was around me while I was working out so I was prepared to ask him what I wanted. "So, that nickname that you gave me, what's that about?" "Oh, my mom has the same name as you, that's how I call her." Oh, wow, what a coincidence but also aww such a sweet thing. He was sitting in front of me, I love that, I do love when he's that close because I know his body language and I know what it meant. So, I asked him if he's planning to go somewhere for New Year's eve and he said that he's going out with some girl friends. Girl friends? I don't think so. A guy that handsome to have girl friends, that's impossible, only if they are ugly or ... I'm not finishing this sentence. When I moved to the bike he joined me. "Race you to the mirror." He said it jokingly. I love his sense of humor, I love how he's joking and messing around. When he stopped pedaling he was standing next to me so I saw the opportunity to open my mouth and to be bold. "So, when are we going for those pancakes? Or at least to buy you that promised drink?" "We got time. We'll go after New Year's. We'll go for sure." I was relieved that I got my answer. I could finally breathe.