These days I feel lighter, I feel good, better. I still love him, that didn't change, it never will but now I don't have that burden on my chest and I don't have the urge to... do anything. I'm scared that I am starting to like him as a friend, that I am seeing him as a friend and I don't like that, I don't want that. Yes, I want to be his friend but I don't want to be just that, just a friend. A friend can't do what a girlfriend can and I don't mean anything sexually I mean ... I don't know how to explain it. It's something that... I don't know... now I have a writer's block, I don't know what I wanted to say but that's the thing, you can't say it you have to feel it. You got to feel the way I am feeling and you would understand, it's not something that I can explain with words. I still have that fear but it's faded now because we are good now, not great but good. Why is that? It's because of the space between us, emotionally and physically of course. Sometimes I wish I could hug him, sometimes I need it and I see when he needs it and I don't feel like it's appropriate or that is ok for me to do it. Lately, I feel neglected, left aside and I don't know what to do, should I stop training or should I step back? It's too late to give up now when I already gave the contribution. Soon it's going to be a year since I started training with him, I wish I could treat him with something, I wish I could take him out for dinner or something. I want to do that but I'm just scared and of course, he would say no.
We had some private time and he actually used it, he surprised me, I liked it. "About that dream of yours..." "Oh, no, it doesn't matter." I was smiling and I did not see this coming, he surprised me because I didn't think that he would remember it and also he thinks that it does matter, that you should analyze your dream, it's your subconscious telling you something. "Yes, I understand but you went into deep." I think that he goes way too deep with analyzing dreams but I don't mind it. There is this thing that I want to talk about with him, it's private and intimate and I wish that we can talk about it.
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Non-FictionA life. One fragment of this life, of this young woman's life, is particularly hard for her. She's fighting through life to get everything that she ever wanted but there are many obstacles to get there, she keeps falling but she always manages to ge...
