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10. May 2019.

 Oh, my Lord, my ass hurts. By the way, about that date, it didn't happen. It was too good to be true. I wasn't disappointed because I knew that this is going to happen, this always happens when I get too excited. It happens with anyone, not just him. Every time I make plans with someone and I get too excited so I start making scenarios in my head that's when you know it will go down, oh, so down. It happened once or twice or maybe more but who's counting. Within a month I made plans with two of my girlfriends, separately, of course, and I got too excited because I haven't seen them for a long time. The one is my filming partner and the other is that girl from the states, she's coming back home. I was thinking how we can talk about things sitting in a coffee place or I could meet her at her place and we could watch her movie that she had made recently but a couple of hours right before when we need to meet they text me how we can't do it today. You see the pattern here? That's the same thing that happened with Will. Should I tell you how much I was excited about Friday, well I won't because you already know. I'm not mad or angry I just hate this. I always get disappointed and I never learn because I want this. I want to go out with friends and talk and to hang out with them, that's why I get so excited but I got used to this and yet I still haven't learned a lesson.

I brought my tennis ball so he would show me some exercises. He was showing it by leaning his back and neck on the ball which was rolling on the wall, the way you like. I was looking the way he was doing it but in my head, I was thinking "Lucky bastard." –referring to the ball. That was nothing. When he was showing his muscles, he was talking to this woman about muscles in general and he was showing his. My mind shut them out and all I could hear was his blood going through the veins. I was in a zone and I was looking at his biceps, I saw his pumping vein and it just... I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was being hypnotized. I think she asked me something so I turned my head away fast and I was trying to catch the question and I think that she asked if his muscles are way too big. I was a little bit embarrassed and I couldn't talk so I just nodded. When we were done with training, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. Shortly after he was coming towards me and he took my hand in a way to say bye but then he caught me by surprise when he pulled me closer to kiss me. It was just a brush on my cheek but it still counts. I so didn't want to leave but when I changed I went back to ask him something. Later when I was leaving I was sad, I knew that I would miss him, hell I'm missing him already.