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7. May 2019.

 Yesterday was a big day, it was a huge day, it was my sister's birthday, well it wasn't yesterday, it was the day before. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had our ups and downs, especially downs but I wouldn't trade her for anything. I love her and I need her as much as I need that pumping muscle in my chest.

To sum up my mood right now, I'm smiling, I'm satisfied but I can't say that I'm happy. When you're happy it's because something has happened, something big, something important. After that last date, yes I keep calling it that way, nothing has happened. Today, I felt good, it was intense but good. Maybe I already said this but I have to say it again. This is huge progress! He has been through so much and now he saw something in me that makes him think 'I trust this girl. She understands me and I trust her. I want to do that for her too.' I remember the time I rejected him, that first time in that first month of training. I remember feeling like crap for not saying yes to that coffee. But everything went great since then. Back then I did something that was out of my nature, something that I don't believe in, something that I never do but in a way it was helpful. I was desperate and I needed a miracle. A couple of days later he and I agreed to a coffee date. I call it a date and I don't care what everyone else is saying. That was our first date which was good but not good as it is now. It was an ice breaker. We were kind of in a stiff situation but still going. I also remembered when he called me a friend, that was the moment when my heart broke. It's better now, it has stitches but you can't just fix a broken heart. I heard that saying somewhere before. It is better because hope is making it better. If I count that ice breaker as a date the total would be three but I don't. What was the point of this? I wanted to show how much he has improved throughout these past months and so have I. He did a lot. It's a big step.

We were talking about sweets and cakes because he had his annual feast and then in a half-serious way I asked him if he can bring me a piece of chocolate cake. "I'll bring you if you want to." He was serious but I didn't want to bother him with it. Then I remembered that there is this chocolate tart near me that is delicious where I want to treat him with. I want to take him out for the second sweetest thing. You know what's the first thing, I'm not saying it 'cause you're thinking about it now. We were both teasing each other, it was fun, it always is. Later I asked him to go out for coffee and to give him something but I know that he's busy and not sure when he can or if he wants to. He was calculating and said how if the girl on Friday doesn't show up we can go. He wants to, he wants to. I hope Friday happens.