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3. June 2019.

We were finally alone and it went better then I thought.

He gave me legs to do so when I was doing them he came to me all sweet like and asked me about Rome. "I saw the photos, they are amazing. Where is that waterfall?" "It's in Terni, an hour away from Rome by train." He was amazed by that waterfall as much as anyone was. Everyone was amazed by my photos. "How was Rome? Have you been to Coliseum?" "It was amazing. I haven't been into the Coliseum now because I have already been in it the last time I visited Rome." "How did you feel?" It was like he knew what to ask me. "I just can't describe it." He was speechless and then he said how he never visited Rome and then I said something that I wanted to ask him for a while. "Wait, you never been to Rome?" "No." "Next time you and I are going together." "Yea, let's." Oh, dear. Seriously? Holy cow! I still can't believe he said that. Rome can take your breath away and for me, it's one of the most romantic cities. Later his inner child was showing and I love seeing that. He called out to me holding a half-full bottle of water. "Kate, look, look." He was trying to do that bottle flip thing, he was so cute.

I know that he cares about me but I'm scared that he doesn't care about me like I want to, I think he likes me as a friend and that he cares about me as a friend and I am so terrified that there's no at least one small piece of him that cares about me in a different way, in a romantic way. He's just too important for me that I still have this fear of losing him. I don't get it. What is so repelling with me that, not just him but every guy that I liked has given me that distance? It feels like they're telling me 'go away'. It's kind of rude. No one lets me closer. I don't know what to think anymore.