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8. May 2019.

 Oh, I don't know where to begin. It wasn't anything spectacular but it was fun. The moment he saw me he smiled at me and it is something that I can't get enough of. For some reason, lately, I've been fuddled with words. I talk to him almost every day but when I need to order a drink or talk to others around me I get confused. I can't remember the words that I need to say or what's that thing called that I am thinking of right now. I don't know why am I like this, it's crazy.

So, I was on a bike as usual and he sat down next to me but then there it was... My brain froze like a popsicle, gone, puff. We were mostly in silence but when we do this, being together, in silence or not, I know that he wants to talk or just to be with me. My brain did freeze but maybe that happened for a reason. I would want to talk and maybe he doesn't want to talk, maybe he just wants to be next to me. I get it. He has that something where it's almost always positive, smooth and because of it he has that kind of energy within and that's the reason I love being with him and now I am thinking the same about me. Maybe I have some positive energy within me and that he feels it when we are together because when I'm with him I always feel good and happy and satisfied and that I can't change and I see that he can feel it too. Sometimes just from a look, just from an expression, I know what he is thinking at the moment and I know it goes both ways. I love how he knows me so well, well not just with the training but also on a personal level. I love our relationship and I am afraid to turn it into a shipwreck by telling him how I feel about him. But what if he... Oh, Jesus, I'm tired of what if. I will never know if I keep doing this, I need to tell him so I can finally know because I'm just... I'm tired of not knowing but then I'm scared and I don't want to be stuck in that black hole we call friend zone. All of this is a moo point (Friends fans will understand) and why you ask. Because, nothing matters, because what I think or what he thinks it just doesn't matter if this is or isn't meant to be. The universe is behind this, if we are supposed to be friends or something more it's not up to us, well it is but if each other path leads to one another then that is the sign that the universe is trying to tell us. If our paths are merged, connected then we need to follow but that's where we step into the action. If one of us doesn't feel like going down to that path, it's our decision and that decision only we can navigate.