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16. January 2019.

 Finally, alone time and also my mom is flying in today so I was in a hurry to go home. For some reason I felt good, life goes on, you mourn and you let go. What about love? Do you ever let go of that? "If you love someone you need to let them go" Whoever said this was stupid. Is that true or is it some stupid thing that you keep telling yourself? If it's a movie line then it's true, right? Hell no! That's called a script, it's written for actors and to be honest, I don't think I believe in anything now. There are so many rules on how to date, on how to behave after a date, there are rules about anything. When can you just do what you think it's right, why not take a chance? No rules, do something that you want, when you want, and start doing things the way you want and don't listen to others, for once listen to yourself.

All my life I've been this shy girl who was weak and helpless and I never had thoughts on something important or maybe I had but I just hid them deep down. I talked only when I was asked and all I ever did was listen. As I'm getting older my brain wants to learn more and I want to know more but I feel like I don't have that someone to talk to. Where I am going with this? I wanted to say that I used to be a shy girl, don't get me wrong I am still but less. I believe in myself more, I love talking now and I still love listening to others, I want to meet new people and to date, it's just I'm new at it and a little bit shy which is normal for me at the beginning. I am so much better now than before, I evolved throughout college days and especially ever since I met Will, he just brings out the best of me.

I've watched Bird box and we talked about the movie, it is so good but then it reminded me of this other movie that it has similar thematic, it's Quiet place where Emily Blunt plays alongside with her husband John Krasinski, it's super scary and so good. Will was goofing around like always and it makes me feel like he wants to be silly with me but I'm still not that much open. I want to but it just... I don't know. He and I are close and I love that, I've never been close like this to anyone before but yes I want that, I want him to be my shoulder to cry on, that kind of friend where I can go to talk because I had a bad day or just want to hang out with. I guess I need him as a friend first. I hope this friendship would turn into something more, I truly hope.

My mom got back from the states and I am so happy to see her, I missed her so much. Her friends picked her up from the airport and they brought her home but before she got home they called me to come down to go for coffee with them. As I saw her a couple of meters away I ran to her and hugged her strongly. I felt like a teenager, like a kid who missed her mom.