Blood and Water

Chapter 122: Don't Think Twice

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right - Bob Dylan

Mina POV

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This was the worst I felt since the year after it happened. I laid in bed, feeling Chibs' arms surround me. Feeling him hold me was the only thing that was keeping me from falling apart. 

I started thinking about my mom, mostly her eyes. How deep they were, how blue they were. The blue eyes I struggle to live without. I knew how much Chibs loved my eyes and I hate that I got them from her. She'll never know him, but more importantly, he'll never know her.

As I laid, surrounded by his sleeping warmth, I couldn't stop thinking about my mother. I missed her so much it hurt. I ached from missing her so much. 

I remembered the prom, me standing in this long olive green dress and my mother helping me fix my hair. She turned me around to face her and she fixed my makeup. As I smiled at that beautiful moment, I will cherish forever, I started to cry. That was the closest thing I'll have to her being at my wedding. 

My silent, quaking sobs woke Chibs up. "Hey," he whispered, "It's a'right, love." 

He kissed my forehead, pulling me closer to him. My extended belly fit perfectly in the crook between his stomach and thighs we were so close. Yet, I couldn't take comfort in his arms. As close as I was to him, I always felt safe and protected, but that didn't fix the sadness. 

The more I thought about it, the more resentful I got of the love of my life. He was the last one to speak to my brother, he was by my mother's side for her last moments. I knew that was wrong of me to be hurt, but there were so many people in my life I never got to say 'good-bye' to. 

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked. 

I shook my head, "No."

Stroking my hair, he asked, "Are ya sure?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Okay, love," he sighed, kissing my forehead. "Are ya gonna be okay today?"

"I think so," I said. "You're still coming?"

He nodded, " 'Course, my love."

He kissed my forehead again, holding it there longer. I closed my eyes, breathing in the air that circled him. He smelled like stale cigarettes and the cologne he put on the day before. I loved the way he smelled. It always calmed me and made me feel safe. 

We started getting ready to meet my dad and then go over to the cemetery. I pulled on my dark jeans and a dark grey shirt. Looking over at Chibs, he was wearing almost the same thing as me, only wearing a black button-up shirt. He always looked so good in that shirt, I loved it on him. But, that day, it was just a shirt. 

He held my hand as we walked out to the car and pulled my door open. I put my big, dark sunglasses on over my eyes. As we drove to my dad's house, Chibs held my hand, rubbing his thumb over the top of it the whole way there. 

When we pulled up to the house, my dad came out, walking over to us. He pulled me into a hug, holding me close. I knew he always struggled with my mom's death. 

As he pulled away from me, he looked up at Chibs and exchanged a look with him that I didn't know was about. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not. He probably was; he hated Chibs, that goes without saying. But he was probably mad that Chibs was with me.

He said, "Filip."

"John Michael," Chibs sighed, looking down at the ground. His eyes were covered from his dark riding glasses. He looked back up at my dad, about to say something, but stopped.