With My Life

45

Chapter 45: Come to This

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~Erwin~

I dropped the files on his desk, finally, this was it, the case was officially closed. Levi had gone to Attledon to retrieve the other women before he'd leave for Emerside. I should've been over the moon, but if anything I feel the same as I did when Mike died.

"Thank you, Erwin-"

"I would also like to request some time off," I interrupt him, I needed it, after what happened between me and (Y/N), I was in no mood to start any new cases. Sorrow was written on his face and he silently nods.

"Take as much time as you need," was all he said, and after that, I left. I dropped my gun and badge down on my desk deeming I wouldn't need it for where I was going. The bar. I hadn't been here in a long while, thanks to (Y/N).

Walking down the sidewalk past the many people on their way to who knows where I couldn't help but recall yesterday's events.

~Memory~

After our shared final kiss, I quickly turned and walked away. I was headed back to the precinct, from there I would lock myself in a room for some privacy. But as I came to the doors Levi was there waiting for me. "Hey," he greets looking up at me concerned. His hand gently grabbed onto my wrist trying to stop me but I yanked out of his grasp and entered the building.

I heard him call for me but I ignored him as I went into one of the interrogation rooms, thankfully it was empty and dark. I had pressed myself up again the door making sure no one could enter. And there I wept for what felt like hours.

Eventually, there was a knock at the door which brought me out of my thoughts. Crap I should go somewhere else, they'll need this room. Standing up, I turn and open the door to find my partner on the other side. "What's going on? Did you talk to (Y/N),"

Quickly my eyes darted down as I sniffled. "Y-yeah... yeah I did," I mumble.

"And?"

I let out a sigh, I didn't want to say it out loud but even by not saying it I knew it was true, we broke up. "(Y/N) and I broke up,"

Shocked by my answer he stood there silently. "Oh, what did she say?" he then asks which only started making me frustrated, I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to do anything but lay down. My head was hurting from all the crying I had done, I was so tired of feeling like this, it was like one problem after another. And after accomplishing so much. I wanted to be alone to process and try to understand why (Y/N) broke up with me. Was she maybe being too kind by saying it was dangerous for us to be together to hide the fact my words affected her more than she let on? Or was it something else? Was it truly Zeke winning, had he- or Eren planted thoughts into her head? Maybe she was scared after what happened to her.

"Look it doesn't matter, I gotta go-"

"It matters Erwin, more than you think..." I ignored his words, I was too hurt to listen and ask. As I made my way home, the rain never let up.

~Memory Over~

~(Y/N)~

At the local bar with Hanji, we sat in a booth. It was her last day in town, and she was headed for Emerside. With Jaeger Enterprise's business taking a rapid decline, by the end of the month, the company would surely be non-existent. I myself had already started looking for another job, I was even planning on looking outside San Ascord deeming this place no longer safe. And with Zeke still my main threat, I thought it'd be best to put as much distance between us as possible.

"Come on girl, drink with me!" she says then takes a rather large gulp of her martini. She then flagged down the waiter asking for another while I sipped at my water.

"I'm good, not really in the drinking mood," if I weren't pregnant I wouldn't mind getting wasted to numb the pain, but I also felt I had no right to do so since I was the one who broke Erwin's heart. As I looked down at my glass sadly, in my peripheral Hanji's hand rested on top of mine.

"You guys broke up, that's reason enough- unless..." she trails off looking at me suspiciously.

"Are you?" she then asks. I had to hand it to her she read me like a book sometimes, but this scared me.

"Maybe... but please don't make a big fuss, I don't want people knowing right now," I mumble.

She nods and turns her attention to the young man giving her a new martini. But as she sips her eyes wander until she nearly spits up her drink and faces me. "What?" I ask worried she may be choking.

Through her coughs she said, "Erwin- he's here-" that's when I turn my head in the direction she previously was looking in. And there he was, at the bar drinking. Because of Hanji's loud coughing, I watch his eyes shift this way, and for a moment our eyes met. It felt as though my heart stopped.

I turned to look away when I saw him stumble off of the stool. Oh god, I hope he's not making his way over here! I took a gulp of my water, and locked eyes with some random object in the hopes he'd just go away, but then I heard him say, "Hey Hanji, haven't seen you in a while,"

Timidly I glance back and watch the two talk. "Yeah, (Y/N) and I are just spending my last few hours here before I leave,"

"Oh?" he asks, for a split second his eyes dart to me then back at the brunette in front of me.

"Yeah, with Jaeger Enterprise going down, I found a new job in Emerside,"

Erwin simply nodded, and before he left he wished Hanji luck with her new job. I turned away afraid I'd find a way to make him stay. And when I looked at the bar, he wasn't there anymore. I let out a long sigh as I rested one hand over my stomach. "So how far along are you?" the brunette asks.

~Erwin~

It was like my wounds had been cut deeper, she didn't even acknowledge me, not that I could do anything to change her mind, but I had hoped to hear her voice one last time. I know I should've fought to keep her at my side, but I didn't want to force her to stay with me. Because by doing that I would be no better than Zeke.

After my time at the bar, I felt I had enough to drink. I decided to head to the cemetery where I could see Mike, allow myself to think openly. Besides with the case closed, it seemed appropriate.

When I got there, I found that new flowers had been placed over his grave meaning Nanaba must've visited earlier. I took a seat on the soft green grass, my eyes scanned over the carved stone reading his full name and birthday. "We finally did it Mike...we got the bastard," I mumble.

If only he could be here to celebrate, but even then I don't know if I'd really be in the mood. "Still... feel like I still lost, so much has happened and I don't know how to get her back man," I covered my face, my eyes burned once more but no tears fell, at least not yet. I sat there in silence watching as the sunset. Eventually while sitting there the memories of working for the Curtis family came back to mind. How Jodi got kicked out, and the whole Randall and Jay scandal. After all that, I can't imagine going back to work for them. The drama Mike and I endured while working there was the main reason we left. Even Kenny who had been with the family for years left after us. And soon it would just be me and Kenny.

When it got dark out, I finally stood up, prepared to head home. "I'll see you later...brother," 

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Alright, bbies I'm warning you all to know that from this point on until I say things will be getting fucked up, I will be sure to try and update the tags and warn you at the beginning of the chapters that need to have warnings! I hope you enjoy it regardless and remember if you do not feel comfortable with the content then feel free to skip, I will not feel hurt in any way I want you to feel comfortable and safe!