With My Life

44

Chapter 44: I Will Love You Either Way

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~(Y/N)~

It felt as though my heart was stuck in my throat. I had thought for a long time about all of these decisions that needed to be made. Things Levi told me, things that have happened, and what could happen. My eyes filled with tears as I stood before the man I loved, having so much to say but no strength to speak.

And every time I looked at him, I was reminded of that night, I could've been killed- and I know it wasn't his fault, but- I sniffled trying desperately to hide my soft sobs. I had to think about myself, about us. "I'm sorry," I croak.

I had to think about the future, and as badly as I wanted Erwin to be a part of it, I didn't want to constantly look over my shoulder in fear that someone would be ready to hurt me- us. "Are you still in pain? I can carry-"

"It's not that," I sigh.

My hands were placed over my heart as if I were trying to keep the pieces together. If Zeke eventually got out, he'd surely come looking for me- and if not him someone else for sure. I thought back to my conversation with Levi a few days ago, before their raid.

~Memory~

Only a few hours now before I'd be released, everything was healing fine, everything was fine. I sat in the bed with my breakfast when Levi entered the room. "How are you?" he asks.

"I feel fine, you?"

Levi simply nods as he takes a seat beside me, as I ate silently I could feel the man's eyes bore into my skull. After swallowing some food, I finally looked in his direction. "He won't stop asking about you," he mentions.

"Why don't you let him visit then? Maybe that'll bring him some peace,"

"Can't, Kenny wants him focused, we have a raid coming up," he explains. I simply nodded, I was beginning to go a bit crazy, not being able to see him, it felt like I was Juliet and he was my Romeo.

"I'll have to see him eventually Levi, he can't stay in the dark forever,"

"I understand that, but this mission is important, and if he finds out..." Levi trails off, now getting up from his seat, he got frustrated pretty quickly so I stopped pushing.

"I'm sorry, let's talk about something else," I mumble.

"No, I'm sorry it's just been a stressful few days, and on top of that, I have to keep my mouth shut about... you know,"

"Baby... it's okay Levi you can say, baby," I chuckle. I stopped laughing when I realized he was remaining serious.

"You do realize that if you are having this child, how much danger that puts you both in correct?" he asks.

My smile dropped now, as I watched him return to his seat. "Look... I don't mean to discourage you two from being together and... you know having a family but Erwin is a detective, and he's going to get himself into a lot of dangerous situations, and you've seen how bad it can get. What's to say that someone else won't try and do what Zeke did, sending someone after you like that? Or worse your kid,"

"Yeah so much for not scaring me Levi," I grumble.

"Sorry, but you know that even if he quit, he still has enemies. And with Zeke, I've come to learn that he holds grudges. I just don't want Erwin losing someone else he loves," He had a point, but I didn't want to think of all the bad things, I only wanted to think of the good, like this baby. Truly I should've known sooner due to the fact I kept pushing off getting the morning after pill because my schedule was too busy at the time.