Tears of our Ruins

Prologue

Prologue

I cuss under my breath as the clouds open and rain begins to pour, quickly drenching me. I'm thankful I'm a runner as I sprint the last two blocks to my apartment. I stand quietly in the lobby, waiting for my neighbor to grab his mail. He gives me a small nod before he exits the building. Everyone is really nice here, but I keep to myself and mainly advert my eyes to avoid conversation. I can't get close to anyone. I open my mailbox and I sigh under my breath. It's the end of the month. All my bills are due and I'm barely scraping by.

I stomp up the three flights of stairs, thankful that I don't run into anymore neighbors. I walk into my small apartment and lock the door behind me. Exhausted, I fall against it as another sigh escapes my lips. It's been a long day. My head hurts. My back hurts. My feet hurt. My heart hurts. I'm tired of the stress, worries, regrets... I'm just tired. I stumble into the bathroom and look at the young woman staring back at me. It's me, but it's not. My dark curly hair has been straightened and dyed dark red. I pull off my fake glasses and remove my brown contacts that hide my unique gold eyes; the same eyes my dad has. I push the pain from thinking of him away and jump in a quick shower before slipping into comfy clothes.

I tiredly walk to the refrigerator. I pull out a half eaten carton of Chinese food. I take a bite and my eyes fall on the store bought birthday cake sitting on the table. It's sitting there in judgement, reminding me how I fucked everything up. My stomach flips with unease as I stare at it. The chair makes a loud noise as it scoots against the linoleum floor and I drop into it. It feels good to finally get off my feet after a long day working. I quickly shove the rest of the chicken chow mein down my throat.

I stare back at the birthday cake. I can't believe it's been a year already. This cake is a reminder of how fucked up my life is. I close my eyes and a tear sneaks down my face. How have I ended up here? I screwed up my life so badly that leaving the old me behind was my only option, or so I thought. I'm starting to doubt my decision to run away. Maybe I should have just stayed. Maybe everything would have ended up being ok. I feel like every decision I've made has ended up being the wrong one. I wish I could go back in time and redo everything.

I wipe my tears and my bitter laugh fills the silence of my apartment. I'm only twenty and my life is filled with mistakes and regrets. How does that happen? I grew up with everything. I lived in an amazing home with the best parents ever. I was close to my sisters and brother. I worked hard. I graduated from high school as valedictorian. I had great friends. Tears stream down my eyes and I throw my empty takeout carton across the room in anger. I can't take this. I can't keep going on feeling this lost and lonely. What would happen if I went home though? I've put my family through so much. I can't even imagine what my disappearance did to them. Would they forgive me or hate me forever? I can't. I'd just end up causing more heartache for them.

My name is now Alyssa Nicole Williams. I've been living in New York for almost a year and a half now. I ran away because I felt like I had no other options. I couldn't face everyone. I first went to a small town in Spain. It was so quaint and everyone was so nice there. I quickly learned that wasn't far enough. They asked a lot of questions. It's true what they say about small towns, everyone knows everyone. In no time, I was recognized. It's the curse of trying to hide when your dad is a celebrity. Even though I didn't have a social media presence anymore, they figured it out. So I contacted the only person I knew who could help me. I got a fake identity and moved to New York. I'm truly hidden now. This city is so busy that I'm lost in it. Different hair. Different eye color. I wear fake glasses. I dress boring in dark colors. I mask my accent as much as I can. I do all of this so I don't draw any attention to myself. I haven't made any friends. It helps me blend in. Nobody recognizes me. Nobody takes the time to get to know me. This is the only way I can truly disappear.

My real name is Cora Abigail McKenzie, daughter of Bobby and Jessa McKenzie. My parents met on a reality tv show and fell in love. They won, which brought instant fame. My mom became a popular social media influencer. My dad became a huge celebrity. He stared in five movies and opened three successful bakeries. Even though their stardom has settled down, they are still famous. Coming from a well known family made it harder to disappear, especially since I look so much like my dad. A female version of him. The thought brings another rush of tears. To top that off, my older twin sisters are now famous too and they both live here in the States, but at least they are on the other side of the country. Aria is an actress and Faye a supermodel. I'm a nobody though; a nobody that has caused my family nothing but pain. They're better off without me.

I sigh again and grab a birthday candle. I stick the single candle into the cake and light it. A brick of emotions settles uncomfortably on my chest.

"Happy birthday to you," I sing as my voice cracks with tears. "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear," silence. "Happy Birthday to you." I can barely see the candle flickering through my tears as I blow it out. I stand up and dump the uneaten cake in the trash. Such a waste of money. I crawl into bed, praying for a dreamless sleep. Memories typically haunt my dreams......