Tears of our Ruins

This Cannot Be Real

ELLIOT

I startle awake with pounding on the door. "What the fuck is this shit about?" Tucker grumbles as he walks to open it.

A raging Bobby comes barreling in the room. "Where the fuck is she?" He yells in my face.

"Who? Cora?"

"Of course Cora! Where is she? What happened?" I've never seen the man act like this and it scares me that his anger is directed at me. That doesn't matter though as my concern for Cora hits me hard.

"I don't know. I saw her at the university yesterday. I told her we shouldn't be together because I didn't want her sucked into so much drama. That was a mistake though. I'm going there this morning to get her back." Even as I say the words, I know that's not happening. If everything was ok, Bobby wouldn't be here. He's asking where she's at. Where is she? Is she ok? Has she hurt herself?

"FUCK!" He roars.

I leap off the couch in panic. "Why? What's wrong?"

"She's gone."

"What? What? How?" He hands me a note and I instantly recognize Cora's handwriting. I read it over and over again. Now my fear and anger is mixing together. "What the fuck is this about?" I yell. "We've got to find her!"

Bobby slumps on the couch and I watch the man fall apart. "I'm trying. I got a text from her last night that scared me. I called her cell over and over but she never answered. The tracking showed she was still at my moms so I called her. She told me Cora's phone was by the door but Cora wasn't there. I called the cops. They can't do much since she's 18. Jessa, Oliver and I immediately flew here and we found the note.

"Fuck! So she ran away? Is that what this means? Why would she do this?"

"I don't know," he begins to cry. "I was hoping it was something you guys were doing together. I was hoping I'd find her here." I pull him into a hug. I can't stand to see him crying like this. I'm in shock and I feel my heart breaking. Cora can't be gone. She just can't.

Tucker nervously clears his throat. "How far can she really get?"

"She cleared out her bank account. She has a lot of money on her."

"Fuck. This is Cora though. She'll come back. There's no way she can stay away. Right?" I look back and forth between Bobby and Tucker looking for reassurance. I need her. I have to find her. Neither of them answer.

I quickly change and hop in the car with Bobby to drive to Rose's house. Jessa flies into his arms as soon as we walk in the door. The grief and fear on her face destroys me. Everyone just stands numbly in silence listening to Jessa's sobs. Why would Cora do this? Doesn't she realize how many people love her? Doesn't she realize we all need her? Doesn't she realize how much she's hurting us right now? I don't understand. Why would she run away? I know we didn't get back together, but It makes no sense. Is it her mental health? Would it lead her to do something like this? Did I push her to do this? Fuck. I'm so stupid. I should have just taken her back yesterday like I wanted to. All I know is that I have to keep hope that we'll find her or she'll come home soon. I want her. I need her. I love her. There's no other option here. I have to get her back safely. What if she kills herself though? What if I pushed her too far. What if I never see her again?

I look in shock as Aria and Faye come running through the door. I know this family is close but I can't believe they were able to drop everything and fly here so fast. Both girls have red eyes with tears streaming down their cheeks. Jessa and Bobby pull them both into a hug.

"Why would she do this?" Aria screams. "I thought she was better!"

"I know," Jessa cries. Aria and Jessa are sobbing loudly. Their grief is painful to listen to. It's the same grief I feel, though mine's just trapped inside me.

Faye is standing quietly, staring at the ground. She hasn't said anything since she walked in. "I might know something," she finally admits.

"What?" Bobby abruptly yells, startling us all.

"I don't know if it's true or not. She swears that it wasn't possible but it's just really bothering me now." Faye looks incredibly nervous. If there's a chance this will help us find her, she needs to tell us.

"Spit it out already!" Bobby says with impatience.

"She might be pregnant." Pregnant? What the fuck? Gasps fill the room and silence descends. "I don't know for sure. She just hadn't had her period for two months but she said it was the trauma from the suicide attempt. She said she's still a virgin," Faye quickly says, her words almost stumbling over each other.

I have no time to react. Bobby instantly rounds on me and throws me up against the wall. The neck of my shirt is clinched tightly in his fist and he's yelling in my face. "What did you do to my baby?" He screams. "Did you knock her up? You better tell me right fucking now that there's not a chance in hell she's pregnant!"

"Bobby," Jessa screams.

"Fucking speak, Elliot!" I can't speak. I'm standing here in shock. Cora's not a virgin. I took that from her. Could she really be pregnant? Is this possible? I think back to that night and I'm instantly frozen with fear as I realize I didn't use a condom. How did I fuck this up? How did I not realize this before? I alway use condoms. Why wouldn't I? Was I really that drunk and trapped in that moment with her that I didn't realize? Fuck. Holy shit! Is Cora pregnant with my kid? Am I going to be a dad? Fuck! No fucking way! "ANSWER ME!" Bobby rages as he shakes me. His grip on my shirt tightens.

My panicked eyes meet his raging ones. This man is going to kill me. "I... I... I don't know," I manage to say.

"You son of a bitch!" He punches the wall right next to my face. Someone in the room screams. Oliver is instantly there trying to get between us and Jessa is now clinging to his arm. "You better not have fucking touched my daughter! I told you to leave her alone!" My legs give out and I fall heavily to the floor. Is Cora pregnant? I'm freaking out. Why wouldn't she tell me? This can't be real. It just can't.

"Bobby, it really could just be stress," Jessa says with panic in her voice. "I missed my period for several months after the kidnapping. It is possible."

"Why else would she run away then?" He yells in anger.

"Because of you!" Aria screams. "She was probably scared knowing you'd react like this!" The air is instantly knocked out of his lungs and the man falls apart. Sobs are retched from his soul.

"FUCK!" He screams as he storms out of the house.

Everyone is silent except for sniffles and little gasps of air as we all sit here crying. I can't be a dad. This can't really be happening. She's not really pregnant. This isn't real. It has to just be the stress of everything. There's no other option here. Rose sits on the floor next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder. I let out the sob I was holding in and I fall apart too. I cry in fear for Cora. Is she safe? Will I ever see her again? I love her. I cry in fear that she could be pregnant with my baby. I'm only 19. I completely come undone in fear of it all. The only thing I do know, pregnant or not, I want her back. She's my everything.