Tears of our Ruins

Into My Past

CORA

I need to call my dad. After the party last night with Elliot, my memories are really attacking me today. I don't like the way I'm feeling. I have the day off and I've hidden in my room most of the day. I am really missing dad right now.

**** Flashback.

We drive in silence and I keep fearfully glancing his direction. I wish he would yell at me or lecture me. He doesn't say anything though. He just drives. The silence is driving me crazy.

"Daddy. Please talk," I slur.

"I'm working through my thoughts and emotions. Plus, it's clear you're drunk so anything I say would be pointless right now. We'll talk tomorrow."

The weight of guilt, combined with the alcohol, soon has me passed out.

I wake the next morning in my bed. I have no idea how I got here. I assume it was dad. My head is pounding. It's too bright. My mouth is dry. My stomach hurts. Bits and pieces from last night come rushing back and I sink further into my bed, wanting to disappear. Trevor. He almost raped me. He hates me now. I lost another best friend. He was never really my friend though. I called my dad. He knows I drank and snuck out. He's going to kill me. I hear someone walk into my room and I peek out from under the covers. I groan as I look at him.

"Here. Take these for your head." I sit up and take the offered pills. The water tastes so good and refreshing. I down the glass instantly and want more. My dad sits on the edge of my bed and doesn't say anything. I can tell he's struggling, trying to figure out the best way to approach this. I wish mom were here. I'm a little scared of him right now.

"I'm sorry, daddy," I whisper. I begin to cry and I look away. I can't stand this. "Please don't hate me."

"Oh, cupcake. I could never hate you." He pulls me into his arms and I fall apart. I cry out all my fears, guilt and anger. "No matter what you do Cora, I will always love you. I promise."

"Are you mad at me?" I ask as I sit up and nervously look him in the eye.

He sighs. "I have a lot of emotions right now. I am disappointed. I'm scared because I know something happened that you haven't told me yet. I'm also proud though."

"What? Why would you be proud of me? I screwed up."

"Because you made a mistake and you called me for help. That was the right thing to do, Cora. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm really proud that you knew you could still call me. I love you, my Cora cupcake."

"Love you too, daddy."

I hug him and he squeezes me extra tight. "There's nothing I need to say to you right now. You know my feelings on everything and I know you're already beating yourself up over it. Just..." He struggles with his words again and I feel his grip tighten on me even more. "Are you ok? Did somebody do something to you that you didn't want?"

I feel embarrassed and scared as my mind replays what happened. I know what he's asking but I can't tell him the truth. "I'm ok, daddy. Nobody did anything bad to me," I lie. He exhales sharply and I feel his body relax. "Where's mom? Is she mad at me?"

"Your mom feels the same way I do. We're always here for you, kiddo. We love you."

"I know." I really am lucky. I do have the best parents.

"Now that doesn't mean you won't be punished." He pulls me away and looks sternly at me. "You broke the rules, Cora. No drinking. You snuck out."