Tears of our Ruins

My Past Needs to Stay There

CORA

I'm cuddled on the couch next to Elliot, watching a movie at my parents house. My dad sits down and joins us, not even glancing our way. I can't believe how quickly he changed with Elliot. He's not acting all intimidating and scaring Eli anymore. He's chill now and I'm always smiling when I catch the two laughing together. I'm relieved they are forming their own relationship because Elliot isn't going anywhere. I think dad really looked at Elliot in a new light when he saw how he took care of me through this CoCo ordeal. Plus, he really liked that Elliot told him it was my body and he didn't have a say. Though my dad doesn't agree with that, he saw that Elliot respects me, my body, and my wishes.

I'm not really paying attention to the movie. My mind is racing. My interview with Melody aired two nights ago and we've all been camped up here, hiding. Mom told me to avoid searching for it online. She's right. I don't need to know what people are saying, even if it's good things. Dad is monitoring it all for me. I'm pretty sure Elliot is too, but he hasn't mentioned it. I'm just praying it all dies down soon and nobody digs up more. I just want to move on with my life.

Speaking of my life, yesterday I got my acceptance letter to Cambridge. I'm beyond excited and everyone was so happy for me. Even Elliot, though his eyes gave him away. He's disappointed. He wants me to go to Glasgow. Should I? Going to a prestigious university isn't necessarily my dream. It's Cambridge though. If I do good there, it's almost guaranteeing I'll get any job I want. Still though, Elliot is my dream now and the thought of not being with him for a year is hard, especially since we've spent the last two years apart. I don't want to be away from him anymore. I still don't know what his plans are after he graduates. Is he staying in Glasgow or moving elsewhere to start his career? It's pointless for me to go to Uni in Scotland if he's not going to be there after this year. Shit, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm picking between two impossible things.

My phone goes off, startling me. Both my dad and Elliot glance at me as I grab it. I know they're both worried it's some reporter that has gotten my number. I smile and my heart skips a small beat when I see a text from Bradley. I haven't heard from him since I left New York, so this is a surprise. I had forgotten that I gave him this number. I nervously glance up at Elliot but he's focused back on the movie.

BRADLEY:
- So should I be calling you Alyssa, Cora, or CoCo? Your story is popular here. I had to see what this CoCo stuff was all about and... I'm speechless. You're stunning.

ME:
- Lol. It's Cora. I'm embarrassed about the CoCo pictures.

BRADLEY:
- Don't be. They are gorgeous. I'm glad they exist so I'm able to look at your beautiful face again.

My heart skips a beat again. Shit. This feels way too intimate.

ME:
- I don't know what to say to that.

BRADLEY:
- I figured. I saw the pictures of you kissing that guy. Is he the one that you couldn't get over?

I stare at his text and reread it over and over again. How do I respond to this? It's weird texting Bradley as I'm sitting in Elliot's arms. It's like my two worlds are overlapping now when they shouldn't be. New York is in my past. So is the baby and so is Bradley. It all needs to stay there.

ME:
- He is.

BRADLEY:
- Shit. I've been hoping... Well I'd like to say I'm happy for you but I'm selfishly not. I still want you.

"What the fuck?" Elliot yells and I cringe. He sheepishly glances at my dad, who is just looking at us both in shock. Elliot's anger comes back to me as he grabs my phone from my hand. "Bradley? You're texting Bradley?" He asks with so much hurt in his voice it makes me feel even more guilty.

"Oh shit," my dad mumbles with wild eyes on me. "I'll just... I better... right..." He stands up and walks briskly out of the room. I know him too well though. He's standing in the hall eavesdropping.

"It's not like that, Elliot." I haven't heard from him since I've been home. He saw the CoCo stuff and, just read it. I have nothing to hide." I feel panic. I don't want Elliot to think that I'm hiding something behind his back. Reading what Bradley wrote is going to really piss him off though.

"I thought you only went on a few dates with the guy?" Elliot accusingly says. "Why is he so hung up on you after only a few dates? This doesn't make sense." Elliot's hard eyes are drilling into me and I'm scared. "Was there more between you?" I don't want him to know what happened between Bradley and I. I don't want him to know how desperately I wanted to be able to move on with Bradley and forget him. I don't want him to know that if I had never met him, Bradley would have probably been the one. It doesn't matter though because Elliot is in my life and I've always loved him. "Cora?" Some of the anger is leaving his voice and he just sounds worried instead.

"Bradley told me that... well he said I was what he was looking for and he knew he could fall in love with me." Elliot tenses and his body jerks away slightly. I reach up and stroke his face. "I didn't feel the same though. I couldn't give him even a tiny portion of my heart because you already had it. All of it."

His eyes soften. "Ok." He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. I know he wants to kiss me, but he knows dad's in the hall too.

"Are we good?"

"Of course. I trust you."

"Oh thank God," my dad dramatically says as he comes barreling back into the room. "I like Elliot now. I don't need you two breaking up." Elliot's face lights up with my dads words and I smile too. Dad pushes play and starts the movie again. I snuggle into Elliot and ignore Bradly's text. Not responding should be a good enough answer. Right? Elliot's finger drags lazily across my arm and I relish in his touch.