Tears of our Ruins

Broken

CORA

I startle awake with a groan. The sunlight streaming through the window is too bright for this hangover. I glance at Elliot and my stomach twists with unease. We had sex. He said we shouldn't have. He doesn't really want me after all. I can't stop tears from pouring out of my eyes. I feel my heart breaking. I remember everything from last night like I'm watching a bad movie. Only it's not a movie. It's my own fucked up life.

I sneak out of bed and slip on my clothes. I pull the zipper up on my jacket to hide this stupid bralette. I walk to the door but turn back and stare at Eli. Last night solidified everything in my mind. We had sex, he said it was a mistake and he didn't want me. I am so humiliated. More than that though, my heart is shattered. I always hoped that Elliot and I would end up together someday. That was my dream when I was 12 and it always stuck with me. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I hoped it would happen. Last night shattered that hope. Elliot is gone from my life. There will be no best friends or happily ever after. I have to let him go and a hard rock of heartache settles in my chest. I have no hope or no future without Elliot. I have nothing. I'm so fucking tired of having nothing. I open the door and sneak out into the hall. The house is filled with people sleeping off their hangovers.

The front door squeaks when I open it. I take a deep breath of cold air and numbly walk. My mind is shutting down. My body is shutting down. I can't analyze or process anything anymore. All I know is hopelessness and numbness. Cars are blazing by on the road. When one passes I watch the streaks of color whirl by.

"Cora!"

My shoulders sag. Why does he keep fighting this? "I have nothing to say to you, Eli." My voice sounds weak. I feel weak.

"Oh shut the fuck up. You're not avoiding me any longer. We can't not talk about what happened last night."

"Like you avoided me?" I sass.

"Knock it off, Cora. We need to talk."

I'm so tired. Not sleepy tired. I'm just tired. "There's nothing to talk about." I don't have much fight left in me.

"That's bullshit and you know it! We had sex. We need to talk about this."

"I need to go, Elliot." I turn away and watch the cars speed by again.

"No! We need to talk about this! We need to throw everything on the table and figure this shit out."

A small bubble of anger boils in me. I turn on him. "There's nothing here, Elliot! You already made your decision. You decided to fuck some chick instead of hang out with me. That's fine. I get it. Then you cockblock me but decide to fuck me yourself. Then you push me away and tell me you don't want me!"

"I didn't say that," his voice breaks. Why is he emotional?

"So yeah. There's nothing to talk about. This is over."

"I didn't say that though."

"We've ruined our friendship and there's nothing beyond for us. So the Eli and Cora story ends today." I turn away and cross the street. In the distance I hear horns blaring. It doesn't phase me.

"CORA!!!" Elliot's scream rattles in my ears though. I feel a jerk at my waist as his arms yank me away from the oncoming car. He pulls me tightly against his chest. His hand is cradling the back of my head and the other is on my lower back. He's holding me so tightly, it hurts. I'm just numb and need to get away from him. He carries me away from the street and then looks me over. He's crying and violently shaking. "Are you ok?"

I just numbly look back at him.

"Cora! Are you ok?" I can't answer that. "What the fuck was that?" His anger erupts to the surface. "Did you fucking do that on purpose?" I just look at him. I'm cold. I'm cold to my soul. "Fucking answer me! Did you do that on fucking purpose? Dammit, Cora!" His legs give out and he pulls me down onto his lap. He's crying in my hair. He grips my face and stares into my eyes. "I need you to tell me if you walked in front of that car on purpose. Answer me, Cora!"