Tears of our Ruins

Closure?

CORA

I pile my dark midnight blue curls into a messy bun and stare at my reflection. What now? It was a fun six months, but I can't spend my life traveling and being Ava's model. I have so many pictures still that I could post new ones to CoCo's account for the next year.

People are flocking to Ava wanting to get similar pictures taken. Obviously these are expensive shoots that cost a lot to even take, so only a certain cliental can afford them. I'm happy for her. This has really made her already successful career take off. It's just heading in a little different direction now. I think she could shoot professional models.

What do I do now though? Start college next fall but that's still five months away. Which college? Guess it'll depend where I'm able to get in at. I'm also debating against medicine and psychiatry. I keep going back and forth and the pros and cons of each are blurring together. I just can't decide, which seems to be a huge theme in my life now; indecision.

I sigh as I grab my phone and flop down on my grandma Rose's couch. It's hard not to think of Elliot since I'm in Glasgow. I came home with Ava to visit grandma for a week before I head back to London. It's hard knowing he's so close but I'm not sure what to do with him. So much has happened. We broke up and I left. I've ignored him. Even though he doesn't know about the baby, that affects me. Seeing him will remind me of everything. Thinking about the baby hurts. It's raw and I'm worried how Elliot will affect my already bruised heart. It's been two years. Why am I even thinking about him? I need to move on for the both of us. He's probably completely happy with his life now. I grab my phone and reread his texts again.

It's clear he missed me, but is that enough? Did I hurt him when I ignored him? What has he done these last two years? Does he still think about me? I've not kept in contact with any of them, not even Ruthie. So much time had went by that I didn't know what to say. What do you say to people after you disappear? It was hard enough dealing with my family.

Ava flops down next to me and reads my screen. "Still thinking of Elliot I see."

"Yep."

"I may have heard through the grapevine that he has a concert tonight."

"A concert," I laugh. "Isn't that how this all started? Me going to one of his concerts?"

"True, but you're different now. I think you owe it to yourself to see him."

"That sounds like a terrible idea." My heart rate has spiked up knowing he has a concert. "What if he doesn't feel this way about me anymore? What if he hates me?"

Ava shrugs. "He might. That's a huge possibility. You've been gone for a long time. He has probably moved on. Still though, your friendship shouldn't end that way. Either rekindle a lifelong friendship, finally fall in love or have a proper good bye that ends that chapter of your life. Leave it with good memories. No matter where he's at in his life, you have the power to end this well. You both need closure. You ran away from him too. That hurt him."

I nod. "Closure... You're right. Why do we have to end in such weird and bad terms? How was he while I was gone?"

"I didn't stay in touch with him, but when you were first gone he was an absolute mess." Of course he was. Everyone who cared for me was a mess. "It was hard to focus on him when I was freaking out myself though."

"I'm sorry."

"STOP!" She yells. "We've talked about this. I'm so tired of hearing you apologize for it. How many I'm sorry's have I heard these last six months?" She rolls her eyes at me. "Apology has been accepted. The only thing you can do for us now is show us that you're not going anywhere. Unfortunately time is the only thing that will prove that." That's true. Even though I've been traveling with Ava, my mom and dad were both panicked when I told them I was staying in Scotland for a week before finally coming home. I've returned to the scene of the crime and I guess it scares them that I'll disappear from here again. Ava's right. Only time will prove to everyone that I won't. I really need to get home though. I am so selfish to put my parents through all this worry. I know the fear of me being anywhere but with them has been hard. "Go to the concert. Give yourself that closure. I know you don't want to admit it, but you still have feelings for him. I don't know if those are madly in love or friendship feelings, but something is there. You need to go and see where this takes you. Just remember that Elliot has been through so much. No matter what happens, you need to stick with that decision. You can't drag him along."