Tears of our Ruins

Hot Girl

CORA

Ava helps me get ready and I cringe at her outfit choice. "I really don't want to stand out."

"Trust me, girl. If you show up in those bags you always wear, you will stand out. This will make you blend in."

I study myself in the black mini skirt and strapless, black, button crop top. I can't believe I'm wearing this. "I don't dress like this, Ava. It doesn't look good on me." I hated it when she bought it for me and I still hate it.

"Are you crazy? Of course it does. Look at yourself."

I do look at myself and all I see is what the kids at high school told me. "I'm not pretty and my body sucks too badly to wear this."

"Cora, you have to stop looking at yourself that way. You're hot, girl. Own it. You're skinny. You freaking have abs. You've got the right amount of boobs. You got a nice ass. Why can't you see that?"

I stare at my hurt face in the mirror. "Because I was told I was ugly and I believed it," I mumble with sadness. I just can't see myself the way she does. I want to. I like the version of me she sees but my high school views of myself are too ingrained in my soul.

"Well, that's not true. I wouldn't let you leave if I didn't think you were smokin. Nobody will know you except Elliot and you're not planning on seeing him anyway. So go to this party and be the hot girl for once. Be whoever you want. You'll come home tonight feeling good about yourself. I promise. Just allow yourself to have fun."

I sigh as I load on the overabundance of bracelets that I always wear and look at myself one last time. "Alright," I sigh out. "Remember if anyone checks in, I'm spending the night here tonight."

Ava laughs. "Trust me. I know your dad. He doesn't want you to go to college parties even though you should be in college. Don't worry. I got your back. You're spending the night and you're in the loo. I'll be waiting up to hear all about it and call me if you need a ride." I nervously smile at her as I walk out the door. She looks so excited but I feel dread. This is a mistake.

When I arrive, the party is already crowded. It's loud and you can hardly move through the thick mass of people. The stage is already set up for the band and I'm eager to see Elliot again. I eyeball the keg of beer with nerves.

***
"Drink this..."
"I feel funny..."
"Let's dance..."
Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.
***

The memory hits me hard and brings on bouts of nausea. I shake my head to chase the thoughts away. I'm fine. I'll be fine. Not the same party. Not the same group of people. Nobody knows me.

I grab an unopened beer bottle and work my way towards the front. I don't want to be so close that he sees me but I want to be close enough that I can easily watch him. The already dim lights are turned down even more and the crowd begins to cheer. I'm caught off guard by the crowd's reaction, before they've even taken the stage. They must be good if everyone's screams are any indicator. They walk out and I stare in awe as Eli stands in front with a guitar slung over his shoulder. I don't even comprehend what he's saying. He looks really good. He's no longer the awkward twelve year old I knew, but he has somehow turned into a manly man. He has the same strawberry blonde hair, though without his mom around to force him to cut it I'm sure, he's wearing it a little shaggy. He has the same icy blue eyes that always reminded me of the summer sky. His body though... holy hell! He looks tall and extremely muscled. In that aspect, he's completely different. He's hot!

The concert is amazing. The band is amazing. Elliot is amazing. They do a fun combination of cover and original songs. Everybody loves them. The group around me has adopted me in without any questions of me being a stranger. Two drunk girls, Ruthie and Sylvia, hang on me as we dance to the music. I've let loose, with Ava's words in my mind. Nobody knows me. I'm having a lot of fun, but it's hard to ignore the butterflies I have at seeing Elliot again. It's so bizarre that I almost wonder if I'm in a dream. There's no way I'm dancing with a bunch of strangers while listening to Elliot's band.