Tears of our Ruins

Restlessness

CORA

I stare at the ceiling of my childhood bedroom. I've been home for almost a week now and it's strange. In some ways, it's like I've never left. In other ways, it's like everything has changed. Aria and Faye flew in for the first two days I was back. It was nice to be around them again. I've missed everyone. Mom, dad and Oliver hover around me all the time though. It's like they're scared I'm going to disappear again. I get it. I'd do the same if the roles were reversed. What would be the point of disappearing now? I'm not pregnant anymore and they don't know I was. After that, my biggest fear was coming home. Everything ended up working out except for one thing; Elliot. I'm feeling nervous because of him.

I look down at my old cell, that dad handed me as soon as I got home, and reread all the texts he had sent me.

ELI:
- I'm the biggest idiot. We need to talk. I'll pick you up tomorrow for breakfast.

He must have sent that right after I left. It destroys my heart. What would have happened if I read that? Would we be together now raising our baby? I can't do those what if's though.

ELI:
- I know you don't have your phone and this message is pointless but I miss you. You've got to come home Cora. I'm miserable without you. I can't do this.

He sent that one a month after I left. I hear the heartache in his written words and it pains me.

ELI:
- Welcome home Cora. I'm happy to hear you're safe and doing good. I missed you.

This one was three days ago and then he has tried calling a handful of times. I haven't responded. I can't. What do I say to him? I may be able to lie to my mom and dad but Elliot reads me. He'll ask why I left and I can't tell him it's because I was pregnant, scared and alone. I miss him though. He consumes my every thought. Hell I couldn't even give Bradley what he wanted, what I wanted to give him, because I'm hung up on Eli. I just can't face him yet. Maybe I'll never be able too.

"Bitch!" Ava yells as she throws my bedroom door open and smothers my body with her own. "I fucking hate you for doing this to us. I'm fucking happy you're back though!" She squeezes me so tight I feel like my lungs are going to burst.

"Sorry," I giggle as I try to roll out from under her. I've been apologizing to everyone a lot lately. I feel like I don't talk without sorry being thrown in there somewhere.

She sits on my bed and faces me. "So why'd you do it?"

I shrug. "I needed a change. I felt like all I did was hurt and scare everyone. I thought..."

"Bullshit," she interrupts me. "You were tired of scaring us all and you thought disappearing would be the answer? Don't buy it. Why'd you really leave?" I want to laugh. Ava has no issues calling me out and searching for the truth. I'm definitely not telling her the whole truth though.

"I thought everyone would be better off without me. I'm a screw up, Ava. Running away and hurting everyone is just proof of that."

"Yeah. You did screw up. I don't think you can even begin to imagine what we all went through, Cora. We're not better without you. Not at all. We all need you. Never pull that shit again. You hear me? Never!"

"I promise."

"I still don't buy it though. I think you left for another reason."

I swallow through the lump in my throat. "Nope. You're overanalyzing the whole thing. I'm mentally ill. My mind led me to believe it was the only option."

"Blaming it on mental health so nobody questions it. You're smart, Cora." I ignore that comment.

"I am happy to be home though. I've missed everyone. I was so lonely. I'm restless though. I was so busy in New York, working two jobs. Now I just feel like I'm only existing and not living my life. It's driving me crazy."