Tears of our Ruins

What Have I Got Myself Into

CORA

I check the post and I'm disappointed that I still haven't heard back from any of the colleges I applied to. My dad assures me that I'll get into one. I'm hoping it's Cambridge or Oxford. Those are prestigious universities that will challenge me with the education needed to be successful. Plus, they'll look good on my resume. I need to make sure I get into one though, so I've applied to a few other colleges too. One of those is the University of Glasgow. What the hell am I doing? I try to tell myself it's because of Grandma and Ava. I'll still have family around if I need them. Plus Junno and Tiffany, his wife, are there. Then there's Ruthie. Why wouldn't I want to go to college with my friend? She'll only have a year left, but that's one year I'd get to spend with her. Realistically though, I know it's because of Elliot.

My heart still hurts when I think of him. It was hard to leave him when he was begging me with those gorgeous blue eyes of his. His simple touch makes me weak in the knees. When I see him though, all I can think about is our baby. How can I be around him then? Giving our baby up was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted to keep it so badly. I couldn't give it a good life though. Not then anyway. Knowing that Elliot wanted me then and now, hurts. All I can think about is what if... I could probably have my baby right now. He can't know. He can never know. We can't be together. I can't handle it. He hasn't reached out since I saw him in Glasgow two months ago. It hurts, but it's for the best.

"Cora!" My mom calls to me from the other room, pulling me from my Elliot daydreams.

"Yeah mom?" I find her in the kitchen scrolling through her phone. "What's up?"

"You might want to see this."

She hands me her phone and my stomach clinches up with nerves. Stupid paparazzi. I knew this was going to be an issue. Last week I flew to the States to spend time with Aria and Faye. They talked me into going to Aria's cast party. She just got the lead in her first big movie. Of course I was going to support her. I wasn't expecting paparazzi, but that was a mistake on my part. Why wouldn't they be there?  I nervously posed with my sisters as the camera flashes made me panic. Now I'm looking at those pictures on my mom's phone.

"How bad is this?" I nervously ask.

"You look gorgeous," she says with a smile but we both know she's avoiding the question. "I don't know, honey. This is more your dad's thing. I mean, you've kept your life a big secret and then the disappearance..." Her voice trails and she nervously chews her lip. "The public doesn't know you came home. It makes sense this will be a big story. You had to have known it was only a matter of time though."

"Fuck," I throw my head in the counter. "Sorry," I mumble to her for cussing. She soothingly rubs my back. "How far are they going to dig?"

"What's up, cupcake?" My dad asks as he strolls into the room. He just got home from the bakery and he's the one that smells like a cupcake. He gives mom a kiss and my lovesick heart hurts watching the interaction.

"Cora was photographed with the twins. She's worried."

Dad turns serious as he takes mom's phone. His fingers fly as he searches online. "Nothing too serious here. I wouldn't be surprised if there's some lingering paparazzi trying to catch another shot of you. I'm sure they're curious about where you've been, but if you don't give them a story, it'll die down. Gossip sites can really push it though."  I nervously listen as he reads a few headlines and catcher sentences. "Mystery McKenzie daughter reappears. Cora McKenzie seen with sisters after she dramatically disappeared years ago. Sorry kiddo. I know you wanted to avoid this, but you are a mystery. That makes you interesting. It'll eventually blow over."

"This suck." My cell rings and I grab it, seeing it's Ruthie. "I should take this. Hey girl," I answer as I walk from the room.

"Guess who's finally turning 21!" She sings.