Tears of our Ruins

Heartbreaks. Secrets. Fears.

ELLIOT

I laugh at Steven, but it's a fake laugh. Everyone around me knows it is. I'm just pissed and miserable without Cora. This past week has been a nightmare. I want her back so badly. I want to hear her laugh and see her smile. I want to hold her and kiss her. I want to talk to her and just be with her. I miss her. I'm pissed though. I can't believe she couldn't see how stupid and dangerous meeting Lindsey was. I can't believe she didn't care at all about my feelings on it. It was a huge deal and I was her boyfriend. She should have taken my concerns into consideration. She didn't though. What kind of relationship is that? Then she fucking hurt me in a way I've never experienced before. I fucking love the girl and she dumped me. She broke my heart. I can't stop replaying those words over and over again in my head.

Even though I was heartbroken and pissed, I was so worried about her. I sat outside her grandma's house to make sure she made it home. When I saw her, I almost got out of my car and ran to her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her how much I loved her and that I wasn't going to let her do this to us. I didn't though. That night, I realized loving Cora was always going to be hard and that I was never making it out of that relationship without a broken heart. She scares me. Her mental health and the suicide attempts scares me. Being impulsive and not listening to reason scares me. She broke up with me because we disagreed. One fight and she called it quits. I can't do that.

I can't turn off my love for her though and I desperately wish now that I could tell her those words. I can just imagine her face glowing with happiness and tears gently rolling down her cheeks. I can't though. Bobby warned me away and I didn't listen. He was right. Cora's not ready for a relationship. Her legs got knocked out from under her and I caused it yet again. No matter how badly I want to protect her, I added more drama to her life. She wouldn't have even been in Scotland to meet with Lindsey if it wasn't for me. She would have been safe with Bobby. He's the only person who can keep her safe right now. I can't. So even though it hurts, we can't get back together. Cora's been calling me and texting me like crazy. I've ignored her though. I'll fall apart and beg her back if I don't. I can't even be her friend anymore. I can't go backwards. I want all of her. So we need space away from each other. Bobby's right. If we're meant to be together, we'll find our way back into each other's arms. Maybe our happily ever after isn't meant to start just yet, or maybe we're wrong for each other and there will never be a happily ever after together.

"Oh shit!" I hear Tucker say and I look towards him, noticing his shocked face. He slowly turns and studies me.

"What?" I ask as everyone grows quiet around me. What the hell is going on?

"Hi Eli." My heart flips and I turn to see Cora standing in front of the bleachers, looking nervously at me. Damn she's stunning and it hurts my heart. She looks so scared and timid right now. I never would have expected her to come back to Scotland. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't want to add more drama and break her heart more than it has already broke. Forget protecting my heart right now, I don't know how to save hers. "Can we talk?"

I glance at Tucker and he gives me a tightlipped grin, that I think is meant to be reassuring, but it doesn't really come off that way. "Sure," I finally manage to say as I look back towards Cora.

She quietly falls into step next to me as we walk away from the other students. I keep as much distance between us as I can. If I touch her, I'll fall apart. I walk down to the river and we sit on an empty bench, looking out at the water.

"I'm sorry, Elliot," she mumbles. "I didn't really mean it. I was just mad and saying things I knew would hurt you. I miss you." She already told me this in her messages.

She looks at me with hopeful eyes and I sigh. "Cora, I'm sorry too. I was scared, but I know I said some really hurtful things to you. I'm sorry for that."