Before I Forget

Fucking Perfect

I couldn't sleep and this chapter happened.

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It was their last day in Italy.

The vacation was ending, the summer was turning towards the fall, and tomorrow they would fly back home.

Sky couldn't help feeling nervous about that.

They had spent these past week and a half in wonderful bliss. It had been a safe haven, a bubble, a dream. Every day had been full of sunshine, laughter, and good food. Dad had been happy and relaxed, and Beth too - they had gotten along great. And Hawk - well, things had never been this perfect with him before. During this vacation, they hadn't argued once. Sky hadn't been this happy in a long time -  some days she had almost felt like her old self, like she had been before Kat had died.

The happiness was like a living thing inside of her chest - something warm and fluffy, a tiny little thing she should keep safe and hidden from the world inside the cage of her ribs, by any means necessary.

Because, in her experience, happiness was easily killed, crushed into a bloody pulp with a fucking wrecking ball. The universe didn't want her to be happy, it never did, she didn't deserve it, and she knew it would be taken away from her sooner or later.

Absent-mindedly, she ran her fingers through Hawk's soft hair, as he was kissing her neck. They lay on her bed, in her room which was a mess because she had started packing but had not finished it - and they had the whole fucking house for themselves for the first time during this holiday. Dad had taken Beth to Uffizzi and as Sky had very pointedly told him she wasn't going to spend 8 hours of her life in a museum just to see one pretty nice Botticelli and 1000 paintings of the Virgin Mary, Dad had replied that it was okay and that she could stay home with Eli if she wanted to.

So now they had the house for themselves and it was clear what Hawk wanted to do with this sudden and unexpected freedom, but Sky just wasn't feeling it.

As hot as Hawk's lips were on her neck, as clearly as she felt his erection pressing against her thigh as he lay partly on top of her - her mind kept wandering.

Hawk seemed to notice that too. He brought his face up and took a look at her, his peppermint breath fanning her face.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"I just..." Sky shrugged. The rest of that sentence failed her and she turned her eyes away. Suddenly she felt guilty for not wanting to have sex with him. He deserved a girlfriend who would never tell him no, who would always be ready. The fragile bubble of happiness was fracturing, she could feel the cracks in her chest.

She was a stupid slut, never good enough, never deserving of his love.

"Did I... do something wrong?" Hawk asked, his eyes suddenly wide and breathtakingly blue.

Sky's chest went tight, she felt miserable. "No, Gods, no! It's just... My period started yesterday, and—"

His brows shot up on his forehead. "Oh, I didn't realize."

"Yeah - it's a good thing though," she noted. "I was feeling kinda nervous because we didn't use a condom last time."

"But... I thought you'd said it was safe?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Where were you during sex ed? Safe is only so safe, it's not 100%. Like condoms aren't 100% safe either."

Hawk let out a sigh and rolled off her, but lay down by her side, his hand still on her chest, resting between her small breasts, feeling the soft falling and rising, the beat of her heart.