Before I Forget

Cold Spot

Hawk lay on his bed, his face buried in his arms as if he could so shut out the outside world.

He ached all over, his abdomen hurt as he lay on his stomach - there were bruises on the spot where Demetri had kicked him - and the tears that ran down his cheeks made the numerous cuts on his face burn. The cut on his lip still kept bleeding in his mouth, he tasted iron and copper on his tongue.

But none of that mattered. Not even the shame and humiliation he had felt when Demetri had beaten his ass mattered anymore. Hawk could only think about Sky - Miguel too, sure - but mostly Sky, and those thoughts made him feel like his insides were carved out through his ribcage. The sobs that tore through his body were raw, ragged, violent. He hated how crying made him feel but was unable to stop.

All he could see on his closed eyelids was Sky lying in a pool of blood, and his own shaking hands as he had carefully turned her onto her side, realizing she would choke on the blood that filled her mouth. There had been so much blood - on the floor, her, on his hands. Blood soaking the knees of his sweats. He had showered and changed into a set of clean clothes, but he could still feel the blood on him, could still smell the sticky, sweet tang of it in his nostrils.

The small black cat seemed to feel Hawk's misery. He hopped on the bed and curled up against Hawk's side, offering some small comfort, but Hawk couldn't even make himself scratch him behind the ear.

"Not now, Napoleon," he groaned, without lifting his head, but the cat made no move to leave him alone, and Hawk didn't find it in himself to push him away.

Once they had reached Sky's house on their way home from the hospital, Hawk had made the decision to bring Napoleon home with him. It just hadn't felt right to leave the cat there alone, not knowing when Sky or her Dad would be home the next time. He had texted Nicholas to make sure it was okay with him, but no answer had come. Hawk suspected Nicholas had bigger worries than where Sky's cat lodged.

So now Napoleon lived in Hawk's room. Dad would lose it, Hawk knew - Dad hated cats - but Hawk honestly didn't give a shit about it. Besides, Dad wouldn't probably even notice. Hawk didn't even remember when was the last time Dad had been in his room.

There was a silent knock on the door. Hawk didn't get up, he didn't even answer, but soon the door opened anyway and he recognized Mom's footsteps even without lifting his head from his arms. He heard how Mom laid something on his nightstand - a plate maybe - and Napoleon hopped off the bed, leaving a cold spot in his absence.

Mom sat down on the edge of Hawk's bed and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Eli, I brought you something to eat."

"Not hungry," Hawk groaned, desperately trying to stop the tears from flowing. He didn't want Mom to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, a pathetic loser. As if he was still Eli.

"You need to eat, darling." Mom said, rubbing soothing circles on his upper back. "I understand how you're feeling, but–"

"No! You don't! So don't pretend like you do!"

Mom's hand stopped, and Eli screwed his eyes shut, bit his lip to stop crying, to stop shouting at Mom because none of this was Mom's fault and they both knew it.

"So— sorry–" he stammered, his voice still thick with tears.

"It's okay, honey."

"I just... Ju— just leave me alone. Please, Mom."

Mom let out a long sigh. Her hand on his back was warm, it was comforting, it made it so hard not to cry, not to turn around and crawl up to Mom's lap like a baby and bawl his eyes out.