Before I Forget

Broken Beyond Repair

I'm not good with trigger warnings so I'm just going to remind you all that I warned you in the beginning of this fic of all kinds of things and that warning still stands.

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Sky rested on her bed, lying on her side, her heavy head on the pillow that was wet from her tears. Her head ached, her breath came uneven as if her lungs were too used to sobbing, and didn't even remember how regular breathing worked.

The room was dark, only her small bedside lamp gave some light, but more than that, it created soft shadows that filled the bed, the room, the world.

Dad was sitting on the bed next to Sky, leaning his back against the headboard, his long legs crossed at the ankles. He was wearing the pair of funny Squidward socks Sky had gotten him for his birthday. The cartoon figure was staring back at Sky with disapproving eyes, but Dad's hand on her shoulder was warm, it was comforting, it was the the only thing that kept her sane.

"Are you going to break up with him?" Dad asked, his voice as soft as the shadows that surrounded them.

Sky shrugged. "I don't know yet."

She had told Dad what Hawk had done - or a version of it since Dad really didn't need to know what they had done in the janitor's closet. But the details didn't matter - what mattered was that Hawk had broken her trust by telling their intimate secrets to his stupid friends and turned it all into some kind of a dirty joke. That much Sky had told Dad, and that had been enough to make him understand why Sky rushed home sobbing and tears running down her face.

"Maybe you should sleep on it and talk to him tomorrow." Dad suggested. "It's not good to make big decisions when you're this upset."

"Yeah, maybe."

Dad was right, of course. Because right now Sky felt like she would start screaming if she'd ever have to talk to Hawk again - but she also knew that no matter how badly he had hurt her today, her love for him was far from dead. She needed to think this through before doing anything she'd end up regretting.

She let out a trembling sigh and wiped her cheeks, but the salty film of half-dried tears wasn't going anywhere. Nor was the weight on her chest, the dagger in her heart.

"Do all guys do that?" Sky asked, turning her sore and swollen eyes up to look at Dad. "Talk to their friends about... intimate stuff?"

"No, Sky," Dad sighed. "Not all guys talk like that. What Eli did was very stupid and very disrespectful."

"Then— then why do I only fall in love with assholes?"

She started crying again, soft, silent tears falling down her cheeks. She cried for some time, and Dad sat by her side, his hand on her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles to her upper back.

Sky thought about Hawk. About their encounter in the closet. The way he had held her, how he had breathed words of love and need into her ear, how he had made her come with his long, skillful fingers, how he had clasped a hand over her mouth when he had fucked her hard like he would die if he didn't have her, like she was the fucking oxygen he breathed.

Had all his declarations of love, all his kind words been a lie? Was her body the only thing he wanted from her? And she had been so willing to give him fucking everything - just so that he could boast about it all to his stupid friends.

Just like Matt.

It hurt. It hurt so much Sky could barely stand it. The pain in her chest was agonizing, the tight iron band around her lungs made it impossible to draw in a breath.