Before I Forget

Axolotl

When Sky woke up again, she felt marginally better - at least physically. Her throat wasn't quite as sore as before, and her headache was gone.

She still wished she was dead, but apparently, that wish wasn't going to be granted, so for now, she had no choice but to accept the sour reality of being alive.

The soft light that entered through the curtains told Sky it was either morning or evening - the clock on the wall pointed at ten past eight, but she had no idea if it was am or pm. It didn't matter, not really. Everything still felt foggy and wrong anyways, as if this was nothing but a dream, and reality was somewhere else, somewhere where she had never opened that drawer, had never found the Medal of Honor.

Sky noticed that Dad was in her room again, and so was Carmen - Miguel's mom. It took Sky a moment to figure out what Carmen was doing here - her mind was still slow - but seeing her did make Sky feel better. Carmen had that effect on people.

The adults were talking silently by the window and they hadn't yet noticed Sky was awake. Carmen was beautiful as always, even in her nurse's scrubs, her curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was smiling at Dad, her hand slightly laid on Dad's arm. Dad, instead, looked like shit. He hadn't shaved, probably he hadn't showered either and Sky could have sworn he was wearing the same clothes he'd chosen for his date—

His date.

That thought made Sky actively want to die again. Lisa would never want to date Dad now that Sky had lived. Who would want a man with a crazy, suicidal daughter whose crazy suicide attempts would ruin all the dates?

Sky forced that thought away. She was too tired to think about killing herself again. It would have to wait.

She glanced around and noticed there was a huge amount of flowers, cards, and even balloons in the room, which immediately made Sky feel like shit because it no doubt meant that everyone knew what had happened.

That was the shitty thing about a failed suicide attempt. You had to face the effect it had on people. Thank God Paulo wasn't here this time - Sky couldn't have taken that. And the people who had brought all these gifts - she would think about them later. She would think about many things later, not today. For now, it took all she had to just stay awake.

"Hi," She said softly, drawing both Dad and Carmen's attention to her.

"Sky, how are you feeling?" asked Carmen, giving her a warm and kind smile as she walked to her bed. "Any pain or discomfort?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I just feel... tired."

"You'll be feeling tired for some time," Carmen replied, and turned to check the monitor. "Your body has been through quite a shock."

Quite a shock indeed. Sky didn't know how close she'd been to dying, but it must've been a pretty close call.

Not enough, though.
I fucking failed.

That thought had a bitter taste, and Sky tried to repel it by thinking about something else. She glanced at the balloons and the flowers.

"So everyone knows?"

"Your friends have been worried about you," Carmen replied.

Dad walked closer too and took a seat on a chair by Sky's bed. "I said Carmen could tell Miguel, and I guess he informed your friends. There is a horde of people waiting to see you."

"I don't wanna see anybody."

"You don't have to," Carmen said comfortingly. "It's okay. But is it alright if I tell Miguel you are awake? He has been worried sick."