Before I Forget

Gazing at the Stars

I'm sorry

can I take u on that coffee date tomorrow?

Hawk stared at the messages on the screen of his phone. He could see Sky had read them, but there was no reply, and it felt like a black hole in his stomach, sucking out the life of him.

He was at the dojo. His muscles ached after the training, he had blood on his knuckles from hitting the punching bag a bit too hard, but he barely noticed.  This was the only place where he wanted to be, now that he couldn't be at the hospital. Home was out of option - Mom had been so fucking delighted yesterday after hearing that Sky was awake and that they would start dating again... so Hawk really didn't wasn't to tell her that he had possibly fucked things up again. At the dojo, no one asked stupid questions. There was safety within these hard walls.

Still, he couldn't escape the hollow feeling that was growing in his chest when he stared at his phone. His thumbs hovered over the screen, but he found it hard to find the right words.

If only he knew what Nicholas had told Sky. Hawk didn't want to reveal more than was absolutely necessary, but then again, he didn't want to get caught lying again.

In the end, he decided to keep it simple.

please

I miss u like hell

He sent the texts, let out a long sigh, stuffed the phone into the pocket of his sweats, and grabbed his bag before heading out. It was late already, the lesson had ended hours ago but Hawk had stayed behind. Sensei Kreese had given him a set of keys, so that he could come and go as he wanted to, even after hours. And often Hawk did. He enjoyed the silence of the dojo after everyone had left. It was easier to concentrate, to use hours and hours to perfect one set of kicks, one punch routine, until it was flawless and carved into his muscle memory. But that wasn't all - even more important was the fact that Sensei would trust him like this. It made him feel important. He never forgot to clean the place, turn off the lights or lock the doors, always leaving everything spotless.

Nicholas' words about Sensei not being a good man, briefly returned to Hawk's mind and he frowned when he stepped out of the front doors.

He trusted that Nicholas had spoken from the heart - his advice had felt sincere. But Nicholas didn't know Kreese, not like Hawk did. And Nicholas had it all together - he was athletic and confident and smart, had probably been all those things even when he'd been Hawk's age. So how could he know what it was to have to kill the old self and build a new man from the scarps?

No one understood how much strength it took. No one understood the constant fear that lived in the back of Hawk's mind - the fear that Eli wasn't truly dead, and that if he slipped, if he made even the slightest mistake, that nerd would crawl back from his grave and it would be the end of Hawk.

Just the thought made him nauseous. No, he couldn't let that happen. Never. And that's why he needed Sensei Kreese. In front of him, Hawk knew exactly who he was.

The next champion.

It was dark when he stepped outside, took the set of keys from his pocket, and locked the doors. The night was still warm, the moon was full. From somewhere far far away came a memory of a night just like this one, when he had set up his telescope in the backyard and they had tried to see the oceans and craters of the moon with Demetri. Angrily he shoved off that image. Gazing at the stars, such stupid nerd stuff—

A silent buzz came from his pocket.

He froze on his feet in the middle of the empty parking lot and pulled out the phone, his heart in his throat.

Sky: we need to talk

He let out a pained groan as he read her words, relief soon being replaced with panic. To talk? Shit! Even with his limited dating experience, he knew that was never a good thing.

Hawk: about what?

Sky: u know

Hawk: I can come over rn if u want

Sky: too tired

come tomorrow

Hawk: okay

good night

I love u

The messages were read, but Sky didn't reply. Hawk waited for a moment, but no answer came, so finally he gave up, stuffed the phone into his pocket, and walked to his car.

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A short one, sorry! But the next one was getting too long so I decided to make this a separate chapter.

Nothing happens in it, but seriously, I just love getting lost in Hawk's thoughts. Hope you liked it.