Before I Forget

A Brief History of Time

"Wait—" Sky felt a hand on her arm, trying to stop her, as she was walking out of the classroom.

She didn't have to look, to know who it was. Anger and shame flushed over her as she felt Hawk's familiar scent in the air, felt the grip of his fingers on her arm.

"Don't touch me," she snapped and yanked her arm free.

"Sky, stop, I just want to talk—"

She didn't stop, instead she started walking faster, trying to get away from him. There was nothing he could say that she wanted to hear.

"Are you high?" Hawk asked, stepping in front of her, forcing her to stop so that she almost walked straight into him. "I saw you take something in the classroom. What the fuck, Sky? You're doing drugs?"

"What do you care?" Sky asked, her voice trembling with emotion. "It's none of your fucking business."

He swallowed hard. His face was pale, there were dark shadows under his eyes and he looked like he hadn't slept in a week, but Sky didn't really care. He had never loved her, why the fuck did he pretend he was hurt now, that everything was over?

"Sky, come on, you've gotta stop that," he breathed. "I don't want you to get hurt–"

"Well too fucking late for that," Sky replied, fighting the tears. She would not cry in front of him, she would not give him that satisfaction. "Let me go, now, or I swear I'll hit you again."

For a short moment, he hesitated, but then did as she had told him and let his hands drop. Sky rushed past him, as fast as she could walk with her stupid leg.

She had sworn not to do drugs in school - but that resolution had shattered as soon as she had walked into the English classroom and seen Hawk. He had kept staring at her, and it had been too much, she had felt his familiar scent in the air when she'd taken her new seat, had heard how he sighed when he leaned his head on his hands, and it had been too much, she had remembered all the things he had said to her, Why would anybody be with you? To get some pussy, and it had been too much, it had all been too much to take, she had almost gotten a panic attack, so—

–so she had slipped that small pill into her mouth, and some ten minutes later she had been able to breathe again. The agonizing pain of her broken heart had melted into a haze where she knew she was still hurting, but there was a soft veil between her and the pain, a bit like she was watching it from afar, like it wasn't really her heart that was breaking, like it wasn't really she who was dying. The pills made this living Hell bearable, they kept her alive, for if she had to face Hawk without them—

Well, that would probably end with her slitting her wrists in the bathroom.

Sky gripped the straps of her backpack and breathed in as deep as she could, four counts in, six counts out, and tried to steady the frantic beat of her heart. One pill didn't seem to be enough for her to face Hawk, but if she took more, well then—

—then it was only a matter of time before someone else realized she was high in school too. And then Dad would find out. And that was yet another thought Sky couldn't take.

She made her way to the library - there were books she needed for a biology essay she was supposed to be writing about the life of Charles Darwin, and maybe getting them would give her something else to think about, something other than the distracting confrontation with Hawk, her lingering wish to die.

The library was one of Sky's favorite places in all the school. She had always been a nerdy girl and loved books - even if with all that had happened in the past year and a half she had been reading a lot less than before. Still, she loved libraries for what they were: these havens of knowledge, free for everyone to walk in and learn. She knew this was a love learned from Dad, but she didn't mind. It was a gift Dad had given her - the love for books, for the stories that would make you lose yourself between the pages, for the things you could learn, to see, to experience without ever leaving the room.