Before I Forget

Violence

"Dude, why can't you pick up your phone?" Miguel confronted Hawk immediately when he stepped into the dojo.

Hawk didn't reply, didn't even meet Miguel's gaze. He simply walked in, kicked off his shoes, walked past all the other Cobras without even greeting them, and went straight into the back room where he found the punching bag.

Without a word, he threw the first punch, fierce, sharp, violent. It made the bag swing back, and a flush of adrenaline coursed through Hawk's veins.

Miguel, who had followed him to the back room, observed Hawk's violent attack in silence. Hawk ignored him. He had come here to beat the crap out of things - and people if it came to that - not to fucking talk.

There was nothing he wanted to say to anybody. There were no words that would make the hollow ache in his chest lessen.

He attacked a punching bag again, hard, this time kicking it. He gave it all he had and more, low grunts escaping his throat as his foot met the bag.

"Hawk—!" That was Miguel. He gripped the bag and stopped its motion, ruining Hawk's attempt to attack it with his fists when it would swing back at him.

"What?"

"I've been trying to call you since yesterday. My Mom said Sky is in hospital—"

The mention of Sky's name almost broke Hawk. Swiftly he turned his back on Miguel and took a couple of deep breaths. His whole body was tense, rigid, his fists clenched by his sides.

He ached for violence, needed to get this suffocating pain out of his system the only way he knew how. He wanted to draw blood, someone's, anyone's, preferably his own by hitting the bag until his knuckles were sore and bleeding.

What he didn't want was to talk.

"So is she?" Miguel pressured. "In the hospital?"

That guy just wasn't giving up. Hawk clenched his fists so that nails dug into the skin of his palms.

"Yeah."

"What the fuck happened? Mom said she overdosed?"

Hawk cursed in his mind. Carmen had asked Nicholas if she could tell Miguel about Sky - them being friends and all - and Nicholas had agreed. But it wasn't Nicholas who had to deal with Miguel now or all the other cobras who would soon know too. It wasn't Nicholas who had to face their shock and disbelief and hatred.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Hawk snarled and turned back to face Miguel. "And if you don't let go of that bag, I'll fucking punch you instead."

Miguel's jaw went tight, his eyes turned dark, but after a heartbeat or so, he released the punching bag.

"Fine," he said. "But we're not done talking about this."

Hawk didn't bother to answer, he didn't turn to look as Miguel walked away. His fist met the bag with a force that rattled the bones of his wrist, his arm, his shoulder and he welcomed the pain. It drowned every other disgusting emotion in him. His body was swift and strong and agile, his attacks fierce and furious and that was all he wanted to think about. For the first time in 24 hours, he didn't feel like there was an iron band squeezing his chest, and he could breathe again.

He hadn't slept the night before. He had held Sky's hand throughout the night, and in the morning Nicholas and Mom had forced him to go home. He had fallen into a restless sleep fully clothed on his bed, but it had done nothing to make him feel better. The same swamp of shame, fear, and guilt had still been there when he had woken up, and he had no fucking idea of how to deal with it.