Not Just A Fan - Josh Hutcherson

Chapter 84

Emma's POV.

I can't stop smiling.

The cab driver dropped us off at the hotel ten minutes ago but we decided to just walk around for a bit. He has his arm around my waist, pressing my side close to his as we walk.

And I can't stop smiling.

We both know that we need to talk about everything. Because I honestly don't think we're on the same page. I have a lot to tell him too. About Evan. I don't know how well he's going to take it.

We walk in silence until we approach a bench and decide to take a seat.

It was dark now, probably around 9 to 10 at night. Josh shifts slightly on the bench to get into a more comfortable position. He slings one arm around my shoulder and I sigh in relief as I tuck my head in the crook of his neck. I miss this. I try to make out his features in the darkness but the only accompany lights are the light poles which give off a eerie glow.

I have so many questions to ask him, so many things to tell him but my mouth can't form any words. I don't want to ruin the moment but I have to.

"Josh-"

"Emma-"

Our words tumble over each other and we both let out a nervous laugh.

"You first." He instinctively takes my hand in his and traces repeated circles over it, leaving fire trails as he goes.

"Are we going to do this again?" I let out a breath. "Do you really want to do this with me? I've hurt you, and I just don't understand why you still feel this way about me when I broke your heart. And I don't know how I'm supposed to build a relationship with someone while I, myself, am falling apart."

I lift my head up from his shoulder to gauge his reaction. He's looking at me. His eyebrows are furrowed, giving him a soft and almost child like appearance.

"You know," he begins, "I was an idiot when I let you go. I saw how much pain you were in, I knew you were sorry for your actions, but I couldn't see past the hurt I felt when you told me what had happened."

His stare is too intense, too powerful that I have to look away. I hate the pain that I brought upon him, upon both of us.

"But that's not what caused me the most pain."

I look up at that and he takes both of his hands in mine. "What caused me the most pain was letting you go. I've never felt so lost before, it was a completely foreign feeling. It felt like I had a whole part of me missing. It was like having a disability. It was present wherever I went. But when I'm with you," he squeezes my hands gently, "when I'm with you I feel whole again. So yes Emma, I want to be with you, and only you. I'll try to control my temper. I know I shouldn't always lash out, and I know I was an idiot for attacking Evan," I try to protest but he continues, "I don't care how long it takes to pick up the pieces because I'm willing to do anything for you as long as you want me to."

How is it possible for someone to feel that way about me? Why me? I don't deserve him but as much as I tell myself that, I can't seem to let him go.

"You're so much better at words than I am."

Josh lets out a deep laugh and once again pulls me to his side.

"That's because you give me a lot to say."

Josh's POV.

She's so beautiful when she sleeps. I watch as her chest rises and falls with every breath she takes, reminding me that she's real, we're real.

I've got her wrapped in my arms, her head lays across my chest and her cheeks are slightly flushed with color. Our bodies are tangled together and I can't put into words how blissful this feeling is.