Not Just A Fan - Josh Hutcherson

Chapter 12

Emma's POV.

Josh: Emma are you okay?

Josh: Emma please let me know if you're alright

I don't know what to do. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm just a waste of breath.

Emma: Honestly I'm not okay I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like the whole world is against me. No one understands. Who could possibly understand me? I'm worthless.

How can someone's words affect you so much? I never cared when other people pointed out my flaws. But hearing them pointed out by my best friend felt like a thousand knifes jabbing into my heart.

Josh: Emma listen to me. You are not worthless. I barely know you but I feel like I do. You need all of the negative people out of your life. I wish I was there with you. Let me understand. Let me help you don't ever talk about yourself like that again. You mean way to much to people to not be here. Hang in there.

Not even words from Josh are helping me. And if he can't help me then who possible could?

Mickey's POV.

"Are you serious? How could you ever talk to my sister like that! Mickey you've gone too far you know that right? You know how insecure she is. And being told that from her best friend? That's low.."

"Eli! Do you think I'm not angry with myself? I don't understand. I would never say that, how could I possibly say that? Oh my god I'm a horrible person. I'm am absolutely horrible!" I could hardly speak. Tears were covering my face. What have I done?

"Look, Mickey. I believe that you didn't mean to say what you did. But the fact is, you did say it. Do you know how she must be feeling right now?" Eli says still angry.

"Eli tell me what to do. Please just tell me." I'm shaking uncontrollably at this point, my voice quavering as I speak.

"Mickey calm down its going to be okay." he walks over to me and gives me the biggest hug. He says soothing words into my ears. I don't know how long we stayed like that but his warmth truly did comfort me.

"I have to make it up to her I have to do something."

"Just give her time its not going to get better over night." he says honestly.

"I know. I should probably leave before I cause any more damage." I hesitantly release Eli and walk down stairs towards the door.

"Bye Eli." I say as I dial my 'Mom's' phone number.

Emma's POV.

"Emma, are you okay?" Eli says from the other side of the door.

"I'm okay I promise, can you just leave me alone for a bit?" I ask.

"Yeah of course. I love you Em." he waits for a reply, which I don't return, and I hear him walk away.

Emma: I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm done with everything. I just want to thank you for being my idol for being my rock and support without even knowing it. After all these years, it was always your work that inspired me. From such a young age I was a huge fan. You always brightened up my day and I thank you for making my life a little less painful. I just need you to know that I love your work and never thought I would ever meet you. Thanks for making my dreams come true. Thank you Josh. But I'm just done.

I've realized that I felt this way for a long time. It just took what she said to make me realize how screwed up my life is. No one could ever want me, or love me for that matter.

I'm broken beyond repair.

How was I going to do this without making a mess? I couldn't leave a mess for anyone else to clean. I walk toward my bathroom and open up the medicine cabinet. It looks like I have enough pills. My phone keeps buzzing but I don't think I would be able to handle seeing what Josh had to say. He probably thinks that I'm a coward. Taking the easy way out. Maybe I am a coward. But so what? The world would be a better place without me in it.

I check my phone one last time.

5 new text messages

Josh: Emma what ever you're thinking about doing its not worth it please don't do anything drastic

Josh: Emma are you there? Please don't do this! Please Emma

Josh: Think of all the people that will miss you. It's not worth it! You have so many people that love you, think about them.

Josh: Think of all the good times.The world is a better place with you in it.

Josh: Emma I like you. I really really do like you. From the moment I saw you I was hooked. You are beautiful you deserve the world and more. I want to get to know you. I want to be there for you in ways no one else could.Please don't do this

And then it all hit me. How can I leave the people that I love? What would dad think? He would never get over my loss. I love him to death. Mom will be a wreck. She wouldn't know how to move on. How to let me go.

Kyle isn't a sensitive guy but he would cry for me. Probably regret not spending more time with me. Elijah would try to be strong for everyone else. But he cant take on that burden. He can't handle that much pressure. And Lily. My little sister Lily. How could I ever leave her? Would she know where I went? I can't leave her traumatized at such a young age.

Mickey. She will certainly blame herself. She's already out of control now, what would happen to her when I'm gone? As much as she hurt me, I just cant leave her alone with so much pain. I can't leave any of them with so much sorrow.

And Josh, Josh likes me? He really likes me? Is he just saying that so he can save some pathetic girl's life? To clear his conscience? Or does he really have feelings for me? Either way I am beyond thankful that he was here when I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

Emma: I'm not going to do it. I can't believe I even considered doing it. Josh, you saved my life. You literally saved my life. I don't think I would have actually gone through with it, I guess I'm more of a coward than I thought. I don't know what to say. I will forever be grateful that you were here for me

Josh: Oh thank God I was so worried. It's going to be okay Emma I promise. I don't want you to ever feel the need to ever even think about hurting yourself in any way. Promise me that you will never, ever do that again?

And without hesitation I reply:

Emma: I promise

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Remember that you're beautiful and there's always someone out there that's going to love you. I love you. You are worth being here. Message me if you ever feel like you don't belong, or you aren't worthy of being alive. Stay strong.