Not Just A Fan - Josh Hutcherson

Chapter 68

Emma's POV.

"Thank you." I say to the waiter. We are currently at Denny's. It's been a long time since I've last been here and I almost forgot how good this place was. The coffee is steaming and does all kinds of good things to my sore throat. I take a sip of my drink and notice that Connor is staring at me.

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing. It's just that I'm not used to seeing you with so much make up on."

"Do I look bad-"

"No that's not what I meant. It's just different. You look beautiful as always." he says. I blush at his compliment and look away.

I don't know why but wearing this make up makes me feel..safe? It's like I'm hiding apart of me that I want no one else to see. And that's true.

"We're going to have to talk about it you know."

"Talk about what?"

He lets out an over exaggerated sigh.

"The party."

"I'm going to tell you, because I trust you, but just know that I'll understand if you longer want to be my friend." he places a supporting hand on mine, and I begin to recall what I can remember from that night. I speak to him in a low voice and I can tell that he's trying to grasp onto what I'm saying. I tell him why I went to the party in the first place. I wanted to make a point.And now that I think about it, I was so stupid for letting other people get into my head. I tell him that it was my first time drinking and how I thought I was imagining things. I become quiet when I get to the point of no return.

"-he dared Evan to kiss me. There was no way that that was going to happen so I left.. And.. and umm.."

"Go on." he urges me.

"I was in the hallway and..and someone came over to comfort me. I could have sworn it was Josh. I could have sworn," I shake my head hoping that last night didn't actually happen. I try holding back my tears.

"And I kissed him. Every moment of it felt like Josh to me. But it wasn't him. It was Evan." I bury my face in hands so I don't have to see his reaction.

"I know I'm awful but I just didn't know, I didn't know." I repeat to myself.

"This is a mess." he says after minutes of silence. He wears a grim look on his face. I can only imagine what he must be feeling right now, or what he thinks of me for that matter.

"Do you still love him?"

"Of course I love him-"

"I'm not talking about Josh."

"No. I am not in love with Evan." I stress out every word. I could never see myself loving someone who is capable of causing so much pain. But then again, I guess I'm just like him aren't I?

"Look I'm just saying that you might still have feelings for him. You guys didn't end on a good note. Maybe you should talk to him-"

"I can't even stand to look at him!"

"Then why did you kiss him?"

"I just told you why."

"Hey all I'm saying is that there must be a reason why you did it. Even though you didn't realize it was him, there had to be a reason." I shake my head the whole time he speaks. I can't tell whether he's pissed off or trying to be a good friend. I decide to go with the first one.

"When are you going to tell Josh?" he asks.

"I..I don't know. I haven't thought about that yet." my voice catches in my throat.

"You are going to tell him right?"

"I don't know Connor! I mean yes I'm going to tell him but I don't know where to, when to, or even how to. And I know you're angry at me, trust me I hate myself right now too, but-"

"Your food." the waiter interrupts. He places our breakfast in front of us and gives me a questioning look. Was I really that loud?

"I'm not in the mood to eat anymore." I say when he finally leaves.

"You need to eat." and to prove his point my stomach rumbles.

We eat in silence.

Every now and then I look up to try to decipher what he's feeling, and what he thinks of me. Because, honestly, I don't even know what to think of myself anymore.

"Connor," he looks up.

"Do you think that he would forgive me?"

He finishes chewing his food before looking at me.

"I really don't know. I do know that he loves you a lot but as I said before, this is a mess. I wish I could reassure you but I can't."

"Why are you taking this so lightly?"

"You made a mistake, we all do. And just because he's my brother doesn't mean that I'm not going to help you."

The rest of the morning is tense. We don't say anything more to each other until we get back to the dorms.

"I'll walk you up."

All I'm able to think about is what's going to happen now. I'm defiantly not going to talk to Evan, I know that's for sure.

"Thank you for breakfast."

"It's no big deal, really."

"I'll see you later then yeah? I'm sorry I had to drag you into this."

"Don't apologize. I'm glad you told me. Everything's going to be fine no matter what happens."

He reminds me in so many ways of Josh. I'm grateful that he still decided to stand by me. Connor gives me a hug before he turns to walk away.

"Oh and Emma." he calls out.

"Mhm?"

"Josh wants you to call him back. He called earlier to see how you were doing."

"Oh...Okay." I open the door as fast as I can before I could do something stupid like cry.

The next few moments I have this insane anger for myself that I've never felt before. I whip out my laptop and find my human behavior paper. And before I can stop myself, I delete every single word I wrote. My tears are angry ones and my fingers seem to have a mind of their own when I begin to write the title.

"Humans are Major F**K Ups..."

True Emma true. Anyways what do you guys think about the new cover for this story?? I made it myself