Deepest Desire

14- Reprieve

"Reprieve had never been such a treasure for me at that time. It freed me from his presence."

Sofia came, we talked for a while and the day went pleasantly great. For once, I don't have to be frightened when opening my mouth.

Thankfully, Mrs Stellios gave me space and time to talk in peace without having the dread of someone listening to us.

Her help gave me hope that I can still meet my family and I started calling Sofia often so she could stay with me and help me overcome my fear.

Sebastian didn't say a word about it so I think it's okay... I don't want him to steal me from my family.

I am still not sure whether to tell Sofia or not but I cannot risk her life meaninglessly for now so I chose to remain silent. I couldn't tell her about Sebastian for now.

"Listen, Sofia... can you do one thing for me?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, sure." She shrugged, flashing her usual cheery smile.

"Um.." Biting my bottom lip, I was unsure on how to ask her but I must.

"What is it, Eileen?" She asked, tilting her head in confusion. She had no concern over her face like my parents who feel relieved that I have someone like Sebastian in my life.

"I want you to get me some contraceptive pills." I blurted out, looking down at my lap. For someone who adores children and wanted to have her own, this took her by surprise.

"What? Why do you want to be on birth control? Is everything okay between you two?" She asked, giving me all her attention abruptly, worry slowly creeping on her face.

"Yeah, Everything is fine. We are good." I breathed out. I just don't want to bear that demon's child at all cost. I don't want to be sorry like his Mother.

"Then?" She asked, narrowing her eyes but I sighed, giving her a fake explanation.

"I don't think I am ready yet and I don't want to tell Sebastian about it either. For now, let me contemplate things. Marriage isn't as easy as I thought and besides, we haven't been on our honeymoon yet. I want to wait till then at least."

I giggled shyly in the end, looking away to make my acting look down but I can't act. The nervousness in my eyes was clear, the smile was fake. She knows me for good, she will get me instantly.

Her worry was replaced by disappointment as she looked away, "I never thought you would lie to me, Eileen. If you don't want to tell, it's okay. I know you have a reason." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I am terrible at acting." I muttered, looking down.

"You are." That's what he loves. Gulping hard, I remained motionless.

"You love children. Didn't Sebastian want one?" She asked, coming closer to console me but I shut my eyes and nodded. Please at least make this one convincing.

"Oh, Don't worry. Let it be, place bet he would be the most delighted one after hearing the good news." She chuckled, hugging me to ease my vexation but she is not apprehending my point.

And I can't tell her either. I don't want to bear his child and he fucking wants to impregnate me. To bear his demons but I won't.

"No, Sofia... I.. don't want it too for now." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"You don't?" She asked in disbelief, thinking she heard wrong but I shook my head.

"Okay, if you say so... I will manage to get it for you." She sighed, pulling away, shrugging her shoulders, looking away for a second.

"Though you can tell me why whenever you want. I won't force you." She smiled, patting my shoulder before getting up and stretching her arms.

"Thanks." I smiled back, getting up as well.

"Also, don't let Sebastian know about it too." I added.

"Yeah, yeah," She hummed, waving her hand to shrug my perturbation off. She was acting carefree so I won't be tense too but I wish I could tell her that is all that's left in my life.

"Anyways. I should leave. It's getting late." She said, checking time and grabbing her bag but I held her arm.

"No, You are staying until dinner. And don't give me the late reasoning, you go back with the driver." I demanded, trying not to sound desperate.

Save me one night from that man. I cannot bear him, I cannot confront him, not after talking to his Mother.

"So, what do you do all day besides calling me?" Sofia asked casually with a faint laugh.

"Nothing much, exploring the place for now." Stays in the room in dread. Scared when he will come, drag me to the edge of bed and seduce me until I beg him to grant me pleasure.

"Hmm."

"How's your bond with him? Are you happy with him?" She asked when we walked in the garden. My heart clenched. He shattered my dreams. Using happy and him together feels horrible. More like a delusion.

Smiling emptily, I began to say, "Do you remember, Sofia, when I first saw Sebastian?"

She chuckled, "Yeah, you ran and started screaming, Uncle had a young and handsome Boss and we both started following his social media accounts."

Things I did which made me flutter, used to make me grin, gave me sparks began to fade when she talked about it. I chuckled too- but in grievance.

"I never thought I would be here as his wife. He had everything one could fathom and we went crazy over it. He was the Prince Charming of every girl's dream." I whispered, lifting my head slowly but the more I think about it, the more it has begun to hurt me.

"You are fortunate to have your dream guy as your life partner." She smiled, reassuring me but her consolations only broke my heart.

"Marrying your crush is not as dreamy as you think. Don't marry your crush, especially when you don't know him." I said out of the blue, looking away, staggering her.

'Shit, shit, shit.' My heart skipped a beat at my statement. Unknowingly speaking what I shouldn't.

"What happened, Eileen? Is everything okay?" She asked, turning me to her but curling my toes, I changed my sentence.

"Yeah, you have high hopes from them and all you get is loneliness at home and you have to call your best friend again and again." I muttered, praying she would buy my explanation.

Sighing in relief, she slapped my shoulder, "God, woman, you scared me for a second. I thought Sebastian is not what he shows." She laughed, shaking her head.

"He is not." I mumbled, rolling my eyes but she laughed, ruffling my head, deepening my frown.

"Ah, don't be angry, girl. Complain once and your man will place all his attention before you." I don't want his attention. I don't want him in the slightest.

Humming, I pouted, not extending this conversation and ended up saying something which could make her suspicious.

We spent the day together, it was dinner time, Sebastian hadn't come home yet, which I was glad about. In fact, I prayed he wouldn't.

We had dinner together as eventually she left, leaving me all alone in this palace of intimidation.

After she left, I moved back and ran back to my room, hiding myself in the sheets, shutting my eyes to sleep so I don't have to face him anymore.

***

Should Eileen learn how to pretend or not?