Deepest Desire

19- Beautiful...?

~ Eileen ~

"It could have been a beautiful memory but it wasn't.... At least not for me."

I didn't want to go anywhere with him. I don't want to spend a second with him. If it wasn't for the urge to see Alphonse Jude in real life, I wouldn't even come to his area.

Being away from him gives me freedom, provides me with lull but his presence only scares me. I cannot bear it but since when did I had a choice?

I followed his orders and got ready. How I imagined going there and how it is happening. I had countless dreams which he didn't hesitate to murder once.

My heart stung when I changed into a white sundress, applying slight makeup, not attempting to look good even. I don't want to dress up for him.

"Are you done?" He asked, entering the room, I was checking myself and nodded.

"Yeah." My tone was unable to raise its voice against him now. Being at home at least assured me that I won't have to confront him all day.

But here, where am I supposed to run?

He scrutinized my form, looking down, I took a step back. Fearing he might not be pleased with my minimum efforts but saying nothing, he moved back to the closest and took out a hat.

He secured it over my head, curling his lips upward but not in a smile, "You look pretty. The sun's bright. You will need it." He said, moving back.

"Why do I need a hat in the car?" I asked, turning to the mirror as the hat surprisingly matched with my dress perfectly, enhancing my looks.

"Who says we are going by car? It's not that far, let's walk." He replied, taking out a casual shirt and matching trousers with it.

He quickly changed and brushed his hairs back. I remained silent, unsure how to react but it didn't alter his course of actions.

"Let's go." Extending his hand out, he offered it to me. Unsure, I hesitantly took it. Trapped here, I don't want to do anything which would enrage him and I end up paying heavily for it.

He noticed my hesitation but let it slide for now as we left. My heart was thumping, I could feel unsettling sensations making my steps heavy.

Wrapping my arm around my midsection, I didn't dare to lift my head as we continued to walk down the road. Strain collected in my chest, drying my throat but when I glanced at him. He showed no expression.

An eerie deadpan follows with mysterious looks plastered on his face. I cannot tell if he was angry, happy or whatever. One hand holding mine and the other in his pocket, walking calmly.

My eyes were locked to his assertive expression, narrowing my eyes in dejection. What I wished to gain and what I own are contrary. I had one simple wish. A happy married life and he stole it.

"I told you." He spoke up after a prolonged period, blinking, I turned my head away instantly, curling my hand in a fist.

"Don't be afraid." His voice came out low, yanking me to him. I gasped but before I could fall on his chest, he rested his hand over my shoulder.

I shivered at his large hand over mine, throat dried as we continued to walk, "I won't do anything here." He sighed, holding me protectively after a devilishly long time.

"And what about later?" I asked, pressing my teeth together, impotent to meet his unfathomable gazes, making my soul tremble.

"Depends on how you behave. If you will please me, I will ensure your freedom." He shrugged nonchalantly, tracing his thumb over my shoulder slowly for reassurance but this time was long gone when I felt it.