Deepest Desire

21- Cannot Understand

Past.

"During our honeymoon, my one wrong action devastated the shred of emotions I had left for him."

After Sebastian locked me inside the room again, I cursed but I couldn't help it, his embrace gave me weird sensations. He cannot toy with my emotions for his pleasure.

I won't let him then why for his touch, after all this time, I couldn't resist? Wrapping my hands around my shoulder, I closed my eyes, lowering my head, trying to deny his burning touch.

But I failed.

'What do you do to me?' Thinking, I fell on the bed, curling like a ball as I remained like this, closing my eyes to feel darkness; his darkness but the abyss he lives in are unreachable.

"Fuck!" Cursing, I slammed my hand down, clutching the sheets firmly as before I knew it, darkness fell upon the sky, time passed and I remained in the same position for a long time.

Opening my eyes slowly when the sound of the door being opened came, lifting my gaze, our eyes gradually met. He was standing before me with arms closed, frowning deeply at me.

"What...?" I asked in an inaudible voice, tightening my lip on the sheets.

"You will only make this harder with your stubbornness, Eileen." He sighed in disappointment, sitting beside me, plopped on elbows to shift towards my direction fully.

"Why not indulge in your time here instead of finding reasons for me to lock you? Don't you want a momentary freedom from me?" He asked softly, trying to make me understand that I should treasure the breaths he granted.

I wouldn't argue or deny but he was right, I truly should yet this shatters me whenever he treats me as a prey rather... wife.

"I.. don't want your fake kindness..." I whispered, lowering my head to hide it in between the sheets.

"I don't recall showing kindness in the first place. It's your deception. I am only providing an interlude." He shrugged nonchalantly as all of it was only a perplexity for him and I was caught in his ruse once but not again.

"Interlude..?" Pausing, I shifted on my elbows, narrowing my eyes with repulsion taking over.

"How long do you intend to hide your cruel intentions, Sebastian?" I asked which enhanced his confusion.

"When the same treatment is given to one they get used to it and you don't want me to become familiar with your malice that's why you took us here so I could refresh my mind, open up so when we go back to square one, you can break me again, right?" I asked, sitting up, voice breaking while speaking the painful reality. Lowering my eyes so I couldn't see his unspoken gaze.

"You want me to recover only to break me again. So I could satisfy your so-called lust again and again." Mumbled, I dug my nail in my arms, shutting my eyes, shivering to think what would happen if we went back.

As I was immersed in my miserable thoughts, he grabbed my arm, pulling me down and swiftly getting on top of me. My breaths stopped when his furious gaze collided with mine.

Our breaths increased to move in sync but my throat felt dehydrated when he hovered over me. A shiver went down my spine when those thick clouds were urging to speak something but he refrained himself.

He wanted to say something badly but didn't. His lethal aura didn't let him. His ruthless nature stopped him. For a mere second, he showed a glimpse of desperation which faded the moment I noticed. He couldn't allow himself to display it after all.

Holding the sheets, he stares intensely into my eyes for a while before opening his lips after a devilishly long minute of blazing my body by the power of his eyes.

"You are right...." He whispered, averting his eyes slowly, clenching my heart yet my silly heart wanted to believe that he wanted to say something else.

"I want to drive you to the edge of redemption only to cage you again." He began to say breathlessly, moving dangerously closer after noticing my breaths becoming rash at the proximity,

"You know why?" Brushing his lips against my neck, he bit my earlobe as I closed my eyes when I felt him smirking darkly, consolidating my fright.

"Because you provide me with the utmost ecstasy, Eileen."

My heart began to beat at an abnormal rate when among all his desires, he placed me on top and I was terrified to think how he intended to break me brick by brick.

"How...?" I dared to ask, panting badly, tilting my head in his direction when he looked up, curling his lips from one side ominously.

"By existing." Chuckling darkly, he never fails to induce fear in my soul by mere words. Their fatality always distresses me.

Pulling away, he chuckled at my vulnerability, indulging in my reactions and moved back. Folding his arms at his chest, licking his lips slowly, scrutinizing my body with pure lust glistening his seductive eyes.

"You're so exquisite, you know?" Whispering, he rested his hand on the bedpost, "It makes me want to devour you..." He growled, refusing to part his eyes from my petite form.

"Is that why you are fulfilling my wishes? Because I stand on top of your sources of gratifications?" I asked, dolor in my resonance but my grievance never held any meaning.

"Exactly. You make me happy and I guess I should do a tiny portion of my part as well." He shrugged monotonous and we were back again to the point of 'rewarding for being a good girl'

"Is that my worth?" I asked, forcing myself to look into his eyes, still yearning for hopes to cling onto but always greets emptiness.

"I don't understand. You are my wife, your worth is above all." He asked, furrowing his brow and this is the problem. He doesn't understand the depth of my words.

"Leave it, you wouldn't understand." I muttered, scoffing and rolling my eyes off.

"I am honestly unable to grasp what you desire to gain in my vicinity." He sighed, holding his sides, displeased by the words which only baffled him.

'You.'

My lips parted to speak, for once, desiring for the man I met when we got married but I knew if I told him that- he wouldn't understand. But then again, the man I fell for was also a terrible deception.

A dupe.

Then how can I yearn for it?

"Answer, what do you want, Eileen?" He asked again, features twisting into sternness, waiting for a response to know what I want. I cannot tell him, gritting my teeth, turning my head away.

"Distance. From you. Forever." I gave my response with breaks but it reached his ears under the label of jocose, earning a snicker to mock my desire.

"Lovely delusion." He laughed, moving his head.

Belittling my words to consider them nothing as he walked away with the sound of his darkness intoxicating my mind.