Deepest Desire

59- Compensation

I remained in the bed, holding Sebastian while he was curled in my chest, sleeping peacefully in my arms probably for the first time in a painfully long time.

My body was not in pain, he stopped before reaching an irrecoverable point.

I kept staring at his face, his words, his confession echoing in my ears, razing my heart terribly.

I never thought Sebastian would confess his love to me by crying badly during our rough intimacy.

I stared at his features, trying to comprehend what led him to this point because at a certain point, he was acting crazily.

'What exactly happened to you? What do you exactly hear?'

Exhaling, I pulled away a little to go to the bathroom and wear something too. But, when I pulled away, Sebastian's relaxed slumber was broken.

Groaning, he moved back, stretching his arms out and opening his eyes slowly, realizing the state we were in and his eyes widened in appall when he noticed the cut on my lip after noticing I was not wearing anything.

"E-Eileen?" He gasped, trying to contemplate the situation, sitting up.

"What h-happened?" Stammering, Looking at me and then at himself. Apprehension traveled faster than the speed of light in him.

"D-Did I do this?" I remained silent and looked down after noticing how his hands were trembling in terror to fathom what happened last night.

"Please don't remain silent. Tell me, what did I do?... please." He almost begged.

He swallowed hard, coming a little closer as I noticed how he was clutching the sheets firmly out of dread of hearing something unbearable.

I was powerless to greet the anguish in his eyes, dying for an answer I couldn't provide.

"Did I r-r-raped-" His voice broke asking this but gasping, I shook my head.

"What? No." I tried to reassure him, I won't deny, the lust from his touch was undeniable.

"I didn't call you to stop, we both know I can't resist.. It's just.." I couldn't resist it all these times. I couldn't but there was something else last night.

I was frightened of his madness.
I was frightened of his anger.
I was frightened of his tears.

"This was not the first time where we were rough. It didn't hurt, we didn't even continue, we stopped in the middle." I whispered softly, looking up at him as I rested my hand over his but he pulled his hand away instantly.

Shaking, he was horrified, trying to control himself but failed. He scattered by thinking and it was glistening in his eyes.

"No, I-I did something, didn't I?" He asked in his shaky voice, leaning closer to my face, panting heavily.

"I hurt you, didn't I? I couldn't hear you again, right? You cried to stop me but I didn't?" He asked in a cracked tone, bringing his hand closer to touch my cheek but stopped and pointed it towards my lips.

"I did this...right?" He asked, voice going lower, breathless. The dread on his features was ten times more intense than before when he raised his hand and punished his hand.

"Sebas-" Opening my mouth, I endeavored to let him know we were only rough, it was not nonconsensual.

"I made you scream na like I made Ruben? Did I hurt you somewhere else too? You won't leave me like Ruben, a-are you?"

But, He was not ready to listen, making his assumption as if he gave me a scar similar to the one Ruben had on his face.

He was afraid to make me scream like he did with Ruben.