Death Eaters Daughter Part Two

Two Hundred Thirty

We apparated back to the burrow
"I'm surprised my shoulder hasn't opened up again" I said inspecting it

"I can't believe you splinched yourself" Charlie said walking beside me "what a rookie move"

"Shut up" I said laughing "I had the flu"

He smiled at me
"Now what are you going in there to do?"

"Be vulnerable with my dad"

"No one else"

"No one else" I reminded myself
I wasn't there for anyone but him

We walked through the field,everything was so different an hour ago
I can do this

I went up to the front door, Charlie opened it up for me and I walked through
I looked around the room and saw my dad sitting on the couch with Tonks
She looked at me and got up to move towards where everyone else was sitting at the kitchen table
Hermione looked at me, filling my mouth with tart flavors
My dad looked at me, he was as broken as Charlie told me
I couldn't taste any emotions from him, for whatever reason he held a guard up just as I did for him
I took a deep breath and grabbed the gift from inside my pocket

I walked up and stood tall facing him
I had everyone's eyes on me, except for his
I waited for him to look at me, I wanted his full attention

"Cora?" Fred said to me, he got out of his chair
Charlie walked up to him and made him sit down again

My dad looked up at me
I took a deep breath, my hands were shaking violently
"I love you" I grabbed the gift and passed it to him "I love you" I said again

He opened my gift slowly, I didn't see his reaction
I read sadness from him, but I stayed standing tall
Charlie was my rock here, he coached me on being vulnerable and I was not going to disappoint him

He took out the watch and turned it around, he read our family name on it
I still couldn't see his face, he was hiding it from me but I saw him gently place it on his leg and start to remove his old broken one
"It's enchanted to not break when you transform, I know that's hard for you and I wanted something that was durable. If you tap the center of the watch it'll switch to show you something different"

He tapped the clock like I instructed
The second face showed clock hands similar to the Weasley's
Except only my name was on it
"It's also enchanted to show where I am...it's stupid I know" I said feeling discourage with his lack of emotions towards it "it shows school, the burrow, Romania, if I'm lost it'll show that...and uhm..." I rubbed my eyes "home"
Home was Sirius' house
"Like I said it's dumb I know...you don't have to change it to that"
Everyone in the room was silent
"You've had a hard life, I meant every word I said but I want to be loved by you. I want to have m-my dad on my side again. I can't tell you how sorry I am that I didn't listen to you two that d-day..." I felt my chest getting ready to release a sob "I'll never forgive myself...but I love you. I wanted you to know that"

Silence

He sat there staring at the watch in silence
I felt my hands shaking still, being vulnerable first was new to me. I didn't know how long I was suppose to wait for an answer
What was I supposed to do if he didn't respond
I looked at Charlie and he nodded his head to me, encouraging me for my effort
"I'm going to go to Romania again, I'll leave you alone. I just wanted you to know how I felt"

I picked at my fingers for a few moments, waiting still
Say something please
"I n-n-need you" I rubbed at my eyes again, wetting my hands

I took a deep breath and started walking back towards Charlie
I avoided my friends who put their hands out for me
I avoided Fred who got back up out of his seat to comfort me
I avoided looking back at my dad to see his reaction, I closed myself off to the emotions in the room before they overwhelmed me

Charlie walked behind me, he didn't say anything he just placed his hand on my shoulder. He was readying us for our departure
"We'll see you all at Kings Crossing" he said waving to his family

I let myself look at my dad now
He was no longer sitting, he was standing fully with his attention on me
Charlie didn't apparate us, he was waiting like the rest of the room was
"Goodbye" I said to the faces staring at me
I closed my eyes
"Let's go Charlie"

I felt someone rush me, hands that have been through trauma unlike my own grabbed my shoulders
I didn't open my eyes, I didn't want to see if it was someone other than my dad
I held a high hope of him coming around, of him wanting me to be a part of his family still
The hands pulled me in, tighter than I expected
I let myself feel emotions again, I was filling with so much metal I felt like it was poisoning me

I opened my eyes and saw a chest taller than my own, with a grey sweater covering it
The smell of autumn filled my senses, burning wood with a hint of cinnamon
I knew who was holding me, I knew who's tears were covering the top of my head and leaking down onto my shoulders
"Cora sweetheart" my dad spoke to me

I moved my hands from his chest and wrapped my own around his back
I felt Charlie move from my side, it felt like most of the room left for us to have our moment
I couldn't find words, my throat was caving in

"I'm suffering" he said "everything I have been through has made me who I am today. That gives me no excuse for how I've treated you but I want you to know how hard it has been for me to show you love. I want to love you, but I'm afraid. I thought keeping you away from me was better, if I just kept pushing you I wouldn't have to be around to watch you suffer like all the others I loved had...I'm afraid to love you. I'm afraid to want to be your dad. I hurt you when I transformed and since then I haven't forgiven myself. Sirius' death was never your fault, I wanted to believe it was because if I didn't blame you I blamed myself and it was so fucking hard to take on that blame. I told him to stay home since we were going to the ministry but he refused. I could have stopped him, I could have paralyzed him for the time being I could have put him to sleep but I didn't. I let him join, he refused to be left behind while we rescued you and Harry. If he had stayed he would have been saved that day, but I know him. I know he would have found a way around whatever jinx I used to hold him in place. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be a perfect dad. When James' died I blamed Sirius. I was so skeptical of him because he was their secret keeper, that's what we were all told. I wasn't made aware of James' changing it last minute. You're right, I let him rot in prison because I was convinced he betrayed us. I should have never blamed you for the death eaters showing up. My own trauma from that day resurfaced, I refused to let myself see there was another possibility like that it was truly bad timing. You have a heart of gold. No matter what traumatic thing happens to you, you stand strong. You didn't get that from me, I'm weak. You have no reason to forgive my actions, no reason to let me in but if you find it in your heart to forgive me...I want to try to be your dad. I promise you I will never faltered from your side, I will never think the worst of you again. I will love you fiercely like Sirius did, I will be by your side through everything and never take advantage of your forgiveness"

"I forgive you" was all I said

I felt my knees buckle, his fell down with my own and we both sat on the ground holding each other as we sobbed through our trauma