Captured in His Eyes (The Art of Life #1: Art Version) [COMPLETED]

07.19.19 - When You Cry

When You Cry
07.19.19

Sa mga nababasa at napapanood ko, pinoportray na masayang feeling ang pagkakagusto sa isang tao.

But I am experiencing the opposite! I hate this feeling! I don't want it! And it doesn't make me happy! It ruins me!

Isang linggo na kaming hindi nagpapansinan ni Kiel. Hindi ko siya pinapansin at hindi niya ako kinukulit kaya hindi na kami nag-u-usap.

Sinasadya ko dahil gusto kong mawala ang feelings ko. Umaasa akong mawawala sa pamamagitan ng pagdistansya.

But! In! Stead! I was feeling bad for doing it!

At kahit nakadistansya o hindi tumingin sa kaniya, nasa kaniya naman ang isip ko! Iniisip ko na baka naiinis na ulit siya sa akin! Ano na kayang tingin niya sa akin matapos sungit-sungitan!

Kaya imbis na makalimutan siya, kabaligtaran ang nangyayari!

Desperate, I started reading books that could help me.

Ang sabi, mag-isip ng ikakaturn-off sa kaniya.

I thought hard about it.

I thought about his grades. Hindi mataas ang grades niya. But I don't really care about other people's academic performance!

He would fool kids. But it's funny and it's their bond!!

I thought about his relationships with other people. Ang sabi sa libro, pwedeng gawing rason ang selos.

Inisip kong may girlfriend si Kiel. Pero hindi ko maimagine!

Inisip ko ang closeness niya sa ibang babae. But it didn't make me jealous at all!

Next, I thought about his physical appearance.

Wrong move since it just validated my feelings!

Then, I remembered how he has always been so blatant. Right! Sinabihan niya akong ma-attitude! He's talkative! He throws out unsolicited comments! Randomly!

And I remember how he wouldn't compromise with me! Ang gusto niya pa rin ang gagawin niya!

At siya ang unang taong humindi sa akin! How could I forget that!

And he made me feel insulted before!

Nag-isip pa ako ng iba. Pigang-piga na at wala na akong maidagdag pero hindi pa rin sapat ang mayroon ako para maturn off! Pinipilit ko lang maging issue ang mga nangyari dati kahit nakamove on naman na talaga ako roon.

In the end, I gave up. I wasn't really that close to him to know all about his imperfections. Kailangan ko pa siyang obserbahan para makahuli ng flaw sa kaniya! But that couldn't be an option since I'd need to pay attention to him again!

So, I decided to try the next option and planned its way to success.

Nasa meeting kami ngayon ng club para sa upcoming acquaintance party. Kanina pa ako naghahanap ng timing para maka-interact si Kiel.

"Avien, ikaw ang writer ni Kiel noh?"

Oh, a chance.

"Yes. Pero pwede po bang magpalit?" It caught Kiel's attention.

"Huh? Bakit?" He glanced at Kiel.

Napalunok ako bago sabihin ang mga susunod na salita. "Ayoko . . ." I couldn't even finish it.

But everybody seemed to catch out what I meant. Tahimik lang ang room. Naramdaman ko ang tension at nakita ko ang pagsulyap nila kay Kiel.

I couldn't look at him on the other hand.

For a second, I wanted to back down from my plan.

"Ako na lang!" Alam kong may magpepresenta para pumalit sa pwesto ko.

"Okay, palit na lang kayo. Si Harvin, Avien, okay lang?"

I nodded. Naramdaman ko ang tingin ni Ailene at Harvin sa akin. I didn't return a gaze to anyone.

"Akala ko hindi ka sasali sa acquaintance party?" tanong ni Harvin paglabas namin.

"Nagbago isip ni mommy."

That was the day I planned to execute the final step of my plan. Dapat after that night, matapos na lahat.

"Avien."

I froze upon hearing my name from that voice. It had been days.

He looked at Harvin. Napatingin din ako kay Harvin. I need to take this chance for my plan. Harvin blankly returned my gaze and walked out of the scene.

Naiwang nakatitig sa akin si Kiel.

I was just locking his gaze. Hindi na maalis ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil sa napansin sa mga mata niya. They were gloomy.

"Anong nagawa ko . . ." pagbasag niya ng katahimikan.

I caught the unusual tone in his voice. Uminit ang dibdib ko.

Suddenly, his image was all that occupied my mind. Nawala ang pinaplano ko.

"Bakit ka galit . . ." His voice cracked. ". . . na naman . . ."

Umawang ang mga labi ko sa narinig na pagod sa boses niya.

"Anong ginawa ko . . ." Mahina ang boses niya.

"B-Bakit lagi . . . Lagi kang galit ka sa 'kin . . ." His eyes were bloodshot.

Nag-init ang gilid ng mga mata ko. Parang may kumurot sa puso ko.

Natigilan ako nang tumulo ang luha niya. Agad niya iyong pinunasan. My hand involuntarily tried to reach for him but halted midway.

I didn't fully understand why he was crying but my heart hurt and I felt like crying, too.

I watched him, pained, as he tried his best to restrain his tears. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin. Nagtuloy-tuloy na ang mga luha niya at hindi ko na napigilang daluhan siya bago pa siya makatalikod sa akin.

When I reached for his face, he completely broke down. Nanginig ang balikat niya at kumawala ang pinipigilang pag-iyak.

As if my body had a mind of its own, I tipped toe and hugged him. Like how he hugged me when I cried.

I buried my eyes on his shoulder as I could no longer hold back my tears. Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kaniya at doon ko lang naramdaman ang pagbalot niya ng braso sa akin.

As my tears fell, I realized what they were for. I felt bad. I felt bad for Kiel.

And as Kiel cried on my shoulder, I started feeling bad once again about myself. For being me. For making such gentle soul cry.

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August 6, 2023