Captured in His Eyes (The Art of Life #1: Art Version) [COMPLETED]

11.08.19 - It is what it is

It is what it is
11.08.19

I woke up early to avoid morning encounters with mommy. Matapos maligo ay bumalik agad ako ng kwarto para magbihis at ihanda ang mga inimpakeng gamit para sa pag-alis mamaya.

Ang backpack ko ay binawasan ko ng mga notebook at libro na hindi naman namin gagamitin mamaya. Halos mga damit at toiletries ko lang ang laman ng bag ko.

I was descending the stairs when I heard a noise from the kitchen. My steps slowed down but I still decided to proceed. Binilisan ko na lang ang paglampas sa kusina, hindi lumingon.

"Aalis ka na?" Mommy noticed me.

Napahinto ako.

". . ."

Pinihit ko ang doorknob at tumango.

I went out of the house immediately, didn't wait for her next words.

I never had an argument with mom. I would always choose to stay quiet and let her be whenever I do not agree with her. Hindi ako nakikipagtalo sa kaniya.

So what happened last night was new to the both of us. Lalo na sa akin dahil kahit kailan naman, hindi ko pinilit ang opinyon at gusto ko sa kaniya. Ngayon lang ako nagsalita.

Ngayon lang pero hindi siya nakinig.

Talagang wala siyang narinig dahil iyon ang inaakto niya ngayon.

So we're just gonna act like nothing happened?

Napailing na lang ako pagkasakay ng shuttle.

I knew my eyes were even swollen than last night but I couldn't afford taking a time off school when it was mommy's day off. And I could not just disregard my responsibilities every time I go through stuff. I had already cried out my frustration and disappointment last night. That should be enough.

This time, I'd choose to heal rather than dwell. Some things are just really out of my control. I did my part. I conveyed the problem. It was up to mommy's perception already.

It is what it is, huh.

I smiled sarcastically to myself.

Bullshit. Palagi na lang.

Palagi na lang walang choice kung hindi intindihin at tanggapin ang sitwasyon.

Pinihit ko ang doorknob ng classroom at narealize na sarado pa pala iyon. Sumisikat pa lang kasi ang araw at mayroon pang isang oras at kalahati bago ang klase namin.

Mataman akong naglakad sa corridor at napahinto sa tapat ng bulletin board. I gripped the straps of my backpack as my eyes darted at the latest honor roll in our level pinned at the board.

"Pati grades mo bumababa."

Tumagal ang titig ko sa pangalan kong nanatiling nasa unahan.

I was still on top. Pero mas napansin niya pa 'yon?

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa bag. I would never ever be enough for her.

I decided to go to the field and watch the sun rise. Umupo lang ako sa bleacher at hinayaang umihip ang malamig na hangin sa balat ko.

Habang nakatitig sa kawalan ay narealize ko na ngayon lang sumama nang ganito ang loob ko kay mommy. To a point na ayaw ko nang umuwi ng bahay dahil nandoon siya.