Captured in His Eyes (The Art of Life #1: Art Version) [COMPLETED]

11.09.19 - Kiel Yuan Santillan

Kiel Yuan Santillan
11.09.19

Love is cruel. Love is complicated.

Growing up, I was made to believe that love can only be proven by making sacrifices so you're always left with consequences and difficult choices.

"Kaya palaging umaalis si mommy kasi need niya magwork. Para may makain kayo. Kasi love ka niya," naalala kong paliwanag sa akin ni Tita habang tanaw ko ang paalis na sasakyan ni mommy.

"Bakit hindi na lang siya rito magwork?" I innocently asked.

Tita smiled. "Mas mabibili ni mommy ang mga kailangan mo kapag aalis siya."

Mommy had to do it. There was no better option. As long as I could live in a comfortable house and study in a good school, she would sacrifice her health and time and attention for me.

My whole life, she had been showcasing an act of love . . . yet I grew up feeling unloved.

I hated the paradox behind it. I hated the paradoxes of love, and in life entirely. I hated how they leave you with no choice but to accept things because those are just how they are . . .

I hated the complexity they bring . . . And I hated how I became . . . a paradox itself---a walking contradictory.

I am complicated. I am confusing. My actions contradict my words. I don't know what I want anymore. I couldn't even understand myself.

I am no longer the perfect daughter, the perfect student and classmate---the perfect Avien who knew what she wanted and could put her mind to anything.

I had been totally knocked off the pedestal.

"I don't know better, too. So . . . let's figure it out together?"

The fear, uncertainty and doubt which come along with becoming a different person are not easy to carry at all. I had been plagued by these growing baggages, completely slowing me down from moving forward, so how could such a line lift them up at once?

"Where do you learn your lines, huh?" I taunted Kiel, trying to light up the mood.

"Sa Facebook?"

It made me laugh. Naudlot ang mga luha ko.

Maybe it wasn't those cheesy and cliché lines. It was Kiel alone. It was being reminded of what he could bring. It was knowing that he'd be with me and that whatever happens, everything will be fine because his presence is enough to make everything fine.

"How do you do that?" I rested my forearms on the table as I leaned forward a little over his direction.

He mirrored me. "Hm?"

"Be . . . you."

His brows shot up and furrowed a little.

"How are you a walking haven? How do you manage to become a human diary, security blanket, and a happy pill all at the same time? How can you make me feel alive and fall in love with life?"

His eyes lingered at my face. 

"What's your secret?" I asked.

He leaned over a little bit more to whisper. "Magbasa ka lang ng mga inspiring quotes."

I chuckled. "Facebook?"

"Instagram," he corrected.

"Yan ba kinoconsume mo online? Aside from memes?"

"Ikaw ba naman araw-araw pasahan ng quotes ng nanay mo."

"Seriously tho, Kiel. Mabuti kang tao. If only everyone has your heart . . ."