Pitch Perfect Harmony

Pasta

Taylor had thought that with the perspective of Travis coming on stage with her in Londen, she would have something to look out for and that it would help her over the time he was back in the US. The truth was that it still felt like forever since they had met and she had a hard time coming back to empty hotel rooms after her shows in Stockholm, then Lisbon, then Madrid, and now Lyon. There were still days left until he would be back in Europe with her. She wasn't even worried about being back in London where her life with Joe would still linger around in some corners. She just wanted to get there and be held by her man again. The one who wasn't scared to be seen with her. The one who told her on the phone how much he missed her too. He had even sent her a couple of presents like flowers or small pieces of jewelry each one combined with a letter telling her how much he missed her and that he wanted to be there with her.

"Taylor, you've eaten nothing but pasta for almost a week now. Twice a day sometimes. I know you need calories for this tour but there are other ways to get them", Tree mentioned at dinner. She knew that Pasta for days was Taylor's way of coping with something. She never really got behind what exactly but it wasn't healthy for sure. "I know", Taylor just agreed almost submissively. She knew it wasn't good and after three days she had felt bad for it but every time she thought about ordering something else, it was as if her stomach would protest and all of a sudden every apatite was gone. Her relationship with food came up in different ways throughout her whole life. But craving something very specific for multiple days, sometimes weeks had occurred even when she had been a small child. Pasta being the most prominent. Her mom had told her that often. "I just feel like I can't take anything else right now", Taylor finally answered Tree giving a little more information. "Is everything okay? Do you want to talk? You know I'll listen", her publicist offered caringly. "I don't know, no. I'll go to bed, okay?", Taylor instead opted for alone time on her off day. Tree agreed and let her go.

She had a show tomorrow and Taylor knew that the scheduled day would help her to get going more than she had been today. But she wasn't really tired yet either. The video call with Travis had been quite short a few hours ago because he had a couple of appointments over in Kansas. So Taylor grabbed her sketchbook. Instead of scribbling little pencil art like she usually did sometimes, she decided to write her thoughts out. Like she had been doing it ages ago in her journals or diaries. Maybe that would help. Apparently, there wasn't really any conclusion about how she felt though. She just felt low and a little overwhelmed maybe. Overwhelmed by the normal tour chaos and the fact that there wasn't anyone to catch her at night. At night when she was spiraling about all sorts of stuff because the adrenaline wasn't gone yet or because she wasn't tired enough to sleep. Missing Travis brought a low that she had to constantly fight so it wouldn't pull her down deeper every day. She wasn't good at missing someone. They had talked about that before.

On the phone with Ed the next day, after talking about when he could join her for some surprise songs maybe, they talked about that too. She admitted that she was a little scared of how much she seemed to depend on a man in her life again. But he consoled her, told her that he had felt like that before and that after coming home and finding the one you loved still loving you just as much, it had gotten better. "But it never got better before", she noted because it had been the same with her exes. "Well... Tay, I don't wanna hurt you by saying that but... the one we both know you're talking about wasn't exactly good at showing you that he had missed you too", Ed carefully noted. It was silent for a moment then. He was right, when the honeymoon phase had ended, Joe sometimes called her hysterical or clingy. He had told her she was exaggerating when she started crying on the phone after not being able to see him due to a pandemic forcing them apart for a couple of weeks.

"Maybe you're right", she finally answered Ed. "Give yourself some time. Don't try to end something so beautiful because you think you depend too much on it. If you feel low right now, be gentle with yourself and don't take on more than you can handle. It's okay to feel like that sometimes if you feel like there's an end to it", he said a little worried. "I won't end anything because of that! I never even thought of that!", she quickly assured him. "Good", he just said. "Tree starts to worry because I have eaten nothing but pasta in a couple of days now", she admitted making him chuckle a little. "Well... if that's comforting... As I said, be gentle with yourself. You won't die from eating pasta for a few weeks", he tried to make her feel better. "Thank you. It's good to hear that", she said happy to have a friend in the same time zone who had time to talk.

"Of course. Good night, Tay. Call again if you need to", he told her. "Good night. Thank you", she answered before they ended the call. After her bedtime routine, Taylor looked at her phone one last time and saw another message from Ed that contained a link. The article he had sent described what a "safe food" was. She had heard the term before on social media but it made total sense reading the background of it. Taylor sent the link to Tree and went to bed a little more calm then. She would probably continue her pasta train for a few days. Ed was right, it wouldn't kill her. And trusting the article, it could be good for her mental state to not force herself to eat something else.