Pitch Perfect Harmony

Miss Americana

After going out on another spontaneous date that evening, Taylor and Travis decided to stay at home the next day. Taylor had some meetings and other work to do before, so they ate a little later too. "I was on Netflix earlier", Travis began a conversation during dinner. Taylor looked up anticipating some reason for him to bring this up. "Miss Americana was in my suggestions again", he told her trying to read if she would be absolutely against him watching it. He had watched and listened to a lot of her older work since they started dating. The tiny desk performance, the Paris concert, behind-the-scenes of some music videos, and just stuff like that that his streaming platforms suggested to him. "You said we could watch it sometime when we have talked about the topics of it anyway", he remembered. Taylor hesitated but in the end, he knew her way better than the documentary would make him. They had talked about a lot of the shit that had happened to her. Why not sit down and watch it? Her opinions on some things had changed slightly since the recording but she still thought it painted a good picture of her career at least.

So they sat down on the couch later and Travis started his Netflix on the TV. "Last chance to say no", he said sensing that she wasn't entirely sure about this. "Just start it now", she chuckled and cuddled up to him. She still thought there was something that they hadn't talked about yet but she hadn't seen the documentary in ages. She couldn't remember everything that was in it. "Benji was so tiny", he noted and she just nodded watching her little kitten with heart-eyes. The intro was pretty harmless altogether. Travis tightened his arm around her every now and then but they were fine. When they arrived at the explanation of the Kanye West story, Travis finally got behind what really happened from her perspective. And as short as they made it seem, he was sure she had been suffering for a while and that it did some damage noone could ever repair.

When Joe came into the picture, Taylor turned towards him, took his head in both hands and kissed him roughly. As if she wanted to make sure that he knew how little she cared about Joe any more. Travis couldn't help but chuckle a little. "I love you too", he smiled when she finally let go. A faint blush crept into her cheeks. She wasn't even sure why she had just done that. But she turned back towards the screen then.

The scene where Taylor began to explain her eating disorder hurt him more than Joe's presence ever could. Taylor noticed how concerned he looked at the images of her during the 1989 tour. She wasn't proud of it either. "I hope you don't listen to that anymore?", he asked. Taylor shrugged. "There'll always be really bad days where I struggle", she admitted honestly. "And it doesn't help when they say I look pregnant", she added. "Tay, they don't say that because of your body", he said. Taylor tried to shut him down with a gesture but he paused the movie and turned towards her. "It has nothing to do with your body when they think you look pregnant. That's just what they think you should be because you got a man, you got a career, and next is family. That's how society thinks", he wanted to clarify. "That's better because?", she asked crossing her arms defensively. "It's not better. All I'm trying to say is, that it isn't about your body at any time. If it was, they'd simply call you fat and that would just be to outright hurt you without any reason. You are gorgeous to me and most people who have eyes. I can assure you of that", he tried to smile at her a little. "So, I shouldn't feel body shamed but pressured to have kids?", she continued. "You shouldn't do anything. I... I'm making it worse aren't I?", he asked. "I don't know?! Can you? Well, if you'd say I look fat, that would be worse but...", she struggled to stay calm. But Taylor wasn't upset with him. It was about the whole shitshow that life in the public eye was like.

"I will never say or even think that. I love you for you. I doubt any number of pounds would change that. You're all I ever wanted and more. I... was trying to say that you shouldn't feel bad about your body every time some idiot can't handle the fact that you are allowed to do whatever the hell you want", he tried again. Taylor sighed and let herself fall against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her. "Sorry, if I... said something stupid or... maybe I should've just said nothing", he mumbled. "No... no, I think I know what you wanted to say... I just... It's hard sometimes", she admitted. "Continue?", she asked a few seconds later. So they did just that.

Taylor started to get tired then and almost dozed off a few times. Travis' hand tracing patterns on her arm made her so calm. He abruptly stopped when the topic of her sexual assault case came up. Suddenly, she realized that they had never talked about that before. "The fuck", he mumbled. "Did he really think you wouldn't say anything and noone would notice? There are people around!", he exclaimed. Taylor just shrugged still shivering at the memory of that man's hand up her skirt. Then, the court case itself was the topic. "The first thing they say to you in court is... Why didn't you scream? Why didn't you react quicker?" Taylor could feel Travis' arm tighten around her. He seemed so mad. "Why didn't you stand further away from him?", the movie continued. "Maybe because you didn't expect that to happen?!", Travis almost yelled making Taylor jump a little. "Sorry", he immediately added pulling her back against his side. She hid in his arms more trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that always came with this topic.

He concentrated back on the rest of the story but hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry this happened to you", he told her. Watching her perform "Clean" like that on the Reputation Tour made him tear up. "I'm okay now", she said honestly. Of course, it wasn't a topic she thought about and felt good but the mix of anger, sadness, guilt, and shame was long gone. "I'm glad you are", he chuckled a little. It felt absurd that she needed to console him now when this was clearly one of the worst things that had ever happened to her. "You're so strong", he whispered into her hair and kissed her head. This became even more clear to him when the movie told him that this whole situation was a big part of why she had decided to talk about politics or similar topics publicly.

"How would they think you were conservative?", he asked surprised when they explained that this had been the picture people had had of her. "I never said anything political. I didn't reveal my opinion on anything if it could've gotten political backlash", Taylor said. "Just smile and say thank you", she added with a little eye roll. He rolled his eyes too. "It had gotten pretty weird in some parts. Like... I'm a blonde blue-eyed woman, so... people idolized me in the nazi scene", she explained. Travis almost lost it at that. He was completely speechless. Maybe he truly never understood how many people cared about her in what kind of ways. "The worst stalker letters came from these people for a while", she added a little less confident. "You are so much more brave than I already thought. The amount of backlash you get for a political statement is insane but I didn't know what kind of shit you had to put up with", he admitted.

Taylor didn't know what to say to that, so they continued to watch. But his option had gotten even stronger when the movie ended. The part about Andrea's cancer disease had been hard to watch even for him. And they both had not said a word about it. It was just clear how hard this had been for Taylor. He knew how important her mom was for her. A sigh left his lips. "Your life was insane. Is insane", he said. She wasn't sure how to react to that. Was that some kind of compliment? Was it critique? What did he wanna hear now? Maybe it was more than he wanted to put up with. Maybe he'd just found out what it really meant to be with her. Maybe he wanted to leave. Her heart started racing and her grip on his arm tightened subconsciously. He pulled her closer until she pretty much sat in his lap. Was this their last hug? The last time she would feel this safe? His warmth, his love.

"Please don't", she mumbled anxiously holding onto him. "Don't what?", he asked confused. "Don't leave", she whispered immediately ashamed that she even thought that. But he just squeezed her against his chest more. "I'm not going anywhere. Why would you think that?", he wanted to know. "I... I'm too much", she mumbled. Travis immediately shook his head and let go of her enough to find eye contact. "You are exactly what I want and more. Don't you dare think, I would change my mind about this. Because I won't. I love you. I know life isn't easy and it won't get easier for us together but I don't want easy, I want you", he told her wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

She wanted to say something but he didn't let her. "And don't apologize now. You have nothing to be sorry for", he said making her chuckle a little because that was exactly what she had been about to do. He knew her by now. "I'm glad we watched that today", she breathed out before shutting down the TV and cuddling back into his chest. "Me too", he agreed. "I love you, Trav. So much", she whispered making him smile. That sounded much better than an apology. "I love you too, Allie. Wanna go to bed?", he asked. She sighed about her tingly reaction to the nickname. That would never change. "Yeah", she agreed, so they finally got up and went to bed.