Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 11: I'm A Gøner

I sat on the floor all night. I didn't sleep. I didn't move I stayed in the same place. I want Josh. Where did they take him? Why did they take him? What did we do wrong?

The nurse came in with Dr. Varrence as usual. I refused to take my medication. I didn't want it.
"Tyler you need to take your medication." the nurse said
"No go away."
"Tyler do I need to get Dr. James to come in here?"
"I don't want to see him. I hate him."
"Nurse Bella why don't you leave the medication in here and he'll take it when he's ready?" Dr. Varrence suggested.
She nodded and left it on the bedside table.

"What happened in here yesterday?"
"They took Josh."
"What do you mean they took Josh? Why did they take him?"
"I don't know."
"Well what happened before they took him?"
"Me and him were painting the walls then we got in a paint fight and then...  We kissed." I felt myself blush
"Oh did you?"
I nodded as I replayed the memory.
"But then they just came in and took him ... Dr. James said they had a good reason too, he's lying tho. He only took Josh away cause he doesn't want me to be happy."
"Why do you think he doesn't want you to be happy?"
"Because whenever I find something that makes me happy it gets taken away. I just want to be happy." I whispered the last part.
"I'm going to have a talk with them after this and ask them what the hell they were thinking."
I finally decided to move from the position I was in and I laid down on the floor.

"I hate it."
"You hate what?"
"Life.. My thoughts on life is that it sucks.. There's no purpose to life.... At least I don't have one... I don't think it's worth it because all I have to look forward to is the hopes that one day maybe they'll let me leave.. I don't think There's more to it then waking up to go to sleep because that's all I do... And what I think it means to live?.. I think it means your happy in the moment, content, free. You feel as tho your unstoppable, nothing can hurt you. You feel like your floating. I didn't know my answer to the last question until yesterday. When I'm with Josh I feel alive... I feel like I'm actually living. Yesterday was the first time in a very long time that I've felt genuinely happy and they took it away.. They took my happiness." I stared at the ceiling as I spoke.

"I think your right .. But I also think your wrong."
"Huh?"
"I think your right about what it means to live the way you described it I agree with it but I think your wrong because there IS a purpose to life... It IS worth it.. and There IS more to it then waking up to go to sleep.. You just haven't found out what yet."
"You think?" I asked propping myself up on my elbows.
"Yes."

"Am I going to be able to see Josh ever again?"
"Yes... I'll make sure of it."
I stood up and walked toward her.
"Can I give you a hug?"
"If you want to."
She stood up and and wrapped my arms around her.
"Thank you."
"Your welcome."
The paint on my hands and clothes is dry so I didn't worry about it getting on her.
I didn't realise I had started crying until she said something.
"Hey don't cry your okay.. Why don't we get you cleaned up? You can go get a shower and put on some clean clothes.. Yeah?"
"Yeah .. Okay." I sniffed as I wiped my eyes.

I followed her into the hall and she informed the guards what was going on.
Once in the shower room I stripped and hopped into a shower stall.
I stood there for a few minutes just letting the hot water wash over me before ridding my skin of the dried paint.
It took a while to get it all off but eventually I did so I turned the shower off, dried myself and put on some clean clothes.
Dr. Varrence then took me to the cafeteria so I could eat something.
The food here isn't horrible but it's not great either.
As always I only got half way through my meal before feeling sick and not being able to finish.

Back in my room everything was cleaned up, they probably cleaned it while I was showering and eating. There's new sheets on my bed and the floor has been mopped.
I sit on my bed and stare at the wall me and Josh painted yesterday.
I get up and walk over to the black painted and dip one finger in it.
I lifted my paint covered finger and pressed it to the wall, dragging it.

I wiped the extra paint off my finger and took a step back looking at the words.

 

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